smokingboot (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
smokingboot) wrote2005-12-05 09:23 am
smokingboot) wrote2005-12-05 09:23 am
Entry tags:
Bad Dream
Of no interest to anyone outside myself I suspect, and not very nice at all, so hidden behind the cut.
A creature came and told me I was to blame; if I had never been born, my mother would not have been trapped with my father, and he couldn't have tormented her into insanity. The triggers would have lain dormant in her head. By my very birth her life had been destroyed, slowly and painfully. It would have been better if I had died in her womb.
I told him it was true and if I could have ended my life before entering the world, I would have done; if I could have stopped living so she could live, I would have done that too, and if I could go back in time and space, OK, I would have brought it to a halt, so much easier before being born than after. I didn't fear death. What harm would have come to me? And she would have been well. But I was never given that choice, and I came into the world alive. And after that, all I could do was live. I waited till the creature had gone in disgust at my insensitivity, and then I cried a bit, wondering which of us was the demon.
Dreamt of a new New-Age shop, chock full of crystals of every kind. Left it to go to some major Hollywood type place, lots of thin people smoking, lots of memorabilia, Britney Spears selling something, perfumes in heart shaped bottles and a black and white film on the wall about an actor who played gangsters. His surname was Valentine. His eyebrows arched in a very peculiar way, almost as though they were plucked, and his face was fat and he had a very menacing smile. He was connected to me in some way. The voice over talked about the head of studio, who was fed pancakes to the day he died by his faithful pa/wife. The place stank of cigarette smoke, for all the perfumes and cosmetics to be found.
These dreams have left me somewhat low, so to cheer my heart, I now quote something beautiful, with many thanks tosecretrapture.
I know the sound of the ecstatic flute,
but I don't know whose flute it is.
A lamp burns and has neither wick nor oil.
A lily pad blossoms and is not attached to the bottom!
When one flower opens, ordinarily dozens open.
The moon bird's head is filled with nothing but
thoughts of the moon,
and when the next rain will come is all that the rain
bird thinks of.
Who is it we spend our entire life loving?
(Kabir)
A creature came and told me I was to blame; if I had never been born, my mother would not have been trapped with my father, and he couldn't have tormented her into insanity. The triggers would have lain dormant in her head. By my very birth her life had been destroyed, slowly and painfully. It would have been better if I had died in her womb.
I told him it was true and if I could have ended my life before entering the world, I would have done; if I could have stopped living so she could live, I would have done that too, and if I could go back in time and space, OK, I would have brought it to a halt, so much easier before being born than after. I didn't fear death. What harm would have come to me? And she would have been well. But I was never given that choice, and I came into the world alive. And after that, all I could do was live. I waited till the creature had gone in disgust at my insensitivity, and then I cried a bit, wondering which of us was the demon.
Dreamt of a new New-Age shop, chock full of crystals of every kind. Left it to go to some major Hollywood type place, lots of thin people smoking, lots of memorabilia, Britney Spears selling something, perfumes in heart shaped bottles and a black and white film on the wall about an actor who played gangsters. His surname was Valentine. His eyebrows arched in a very peculiar way, almost as though they were plucked, and his face was fat and he had a very menacing smile. He was connected to me in some way. The voice over talked about the head of studio, who was fed pancakes to the day he died by his faithful pa/wife. The place stank of cigarette smoke, for all the perfumes and cosmetics to be found.
These dreams have left me somewhat low, so to cheer my heart, I now quote something beautiful, with many thanks to
secretrapture. I know the sound of the ecstatic flute,
but I don't know whose flute it is.
A lamp burns and has neither wick nor oil.
A lily pad blossoms and is not attached to the bottom!
When one flower opens, ordinarily dozens open.
The moon bird's head is filled with nothing but
thoughts of the moon,
and when the next rain will come is all that the rain
bird thinks of.
Who is it we spend our entire life loving?
(Kabir)