Waking before dawn

[smokingboot]

The biopsy wound is a pin prick, less than a freckle.

Up since 5, now tired again. Bro isn't getting back to me. I feel that he knows there is a problem and he's hiding. Of course it might not be my problem, he may be dealing with some serious issue of his own. He has sent a one word reply to my text to call; Soonish.

OK, soonish. I'll leave it til the test results return. After all, it may be nothing. They warn me that's extremely unlikely, but no point troubling him til I know. Having said that, what I am asking for as a special necessity now is nothing more than he should be doing at any time. He has got used to a world in which what's expected from everyone else is considered an extraordinary favour from him unless he feels like it. I get that maybe this is how he survives (why are we so strange? I always assumed that we're not normal in the same way no-one is normal, but now I suspect that actually we are way out there) but he has to be able to entertain the notion that if I die before he does, whether it be this, or being run over by a truck/struck by lightning/ disassembled in a teleporter/eating a puffer fish liver, I am not immortal and should the unthinkable happen he must do more for Mother.

I'll leave this for now too. Even reading and writing feels like too much. My brain is still shockfoggy.

But it's worth noting that yesterday's rugby was at once frustrating and well worth watching. R and I are spending excellent quality time together.