smokingboot

And thus did the LORD speak unto the Boot saying, behold, for the earth is full of creepy-crawlies.

And all of these into thy garden I will put, yea, nor will I stint on the slugs and other pointless slimers; for the six-legged and the eight-legged and the no-legged will inherit the earth, or at least, thy portion of it.

And the boot spake unto the LORD and said, 'Oh LORD, why hast thou smote me with thine insect nation , and WTF is that?' For it did crawl up my leg and over my knee; and I looked thereon and lo! they were not one but two flying ants of

paulbenwellian legend. Though, in the chronicles of

paulbenwell he calleth them legion for they were many. These were two, neither more nor less than two, and two was the number of the flying ants, but of those two, two were the size of sausage rolls. Yea, and their bodies were black but their legs were bright scarlet, and their wings were as the sons of the Nephilim to the sons of Joshua; and they were two together in antish concuspicence upon my knee, tail-ending each other until the hand of the SERVANT of the LORD pinged them into the weeds, where their thoraxed rutting did make the long stems rattle.

And the SERVANT of the LORD did question; 'LORD, whyfore hast thou seen fit to show me scenes of gross ant sex? How have I offended thee?'

And the LORD said, 'Ants don't have sex. But you're clearly feeling better.'