It occurs to me

that I write less in my lj, and when I do, it is about less. Admittedly lj helps by eating various posts, but much of it is because so much is going on, and talking about it is like pulling a snail out of its shell, the point lost through mauling.

Dreamt of a woman in white last night, a terrible ghost; she was malign and she used mirrors to instil fear; she liked to have mirrors sideways on to each other so when you passed, you always caught a glimpse from the corner of your eye of something passing. Usually it was yourself or some other innocent idiot, but now and then, when you were sure it was nothing, she would appear out of it in phantom majesty with the cruellest, most monstrous smile on her face, and even when you told yourself she was just a ghost, your heart stopped when she moved towards you, and you could not bear to wait. Some coward part of oneself just made fleeing imperative. You could do nothing about her really, but you could move the mirrors apart from each other; that way you only dealt with one fear at a time, and she had nothing to play with. I don't know how much of this is a part of me, and how much comes from staring at hybridartifacts creations. I told him I didn't mind disturbing dreams. How quickly one is tested!

I find that I am opening up to people again, in a way I have not done for years; I did reach a point of thinking that people just weren't worth it, when what I should have realised was that a small group of people I knew then weren't worth it. I find myself trusting again and it is funny to feel so vulnerable, but it's also very nice to allow myself to relax and be the real me.

I wish I knew how to add music to this lj; it would express my feelings today far more clearly than words.