For a Prince of Imaginatude

Happy Birthday cyanidemigraine! xxx

Four Weddings

I am still a tired mess, but less so. Gum infection gone, scrunched shoulder unscrunching, in general I'm getting better. I just need to ignore deal with my growing list of stuff to do. But while I have been feeling so under par, I have been watching TV. I am enthralled by 4 Weddings.

This glorious testimony to The Big Day hypnotises me. I have never wanted to be married but I love weddings, partly because they are full on parties, largesse and being beautiful, wowing the guests and being happy are The Point. Indulgence and loveliness for its own sake are allowed. I suspect matrimony's origin in chattel-selling enough to avoid it. But if we assume that today's wedding ain't about cruel history, let's party!

And this is where I come in, ready to watch 4 Weddings with a kind of joyful horror.
What happens on this show is that 4 brides to be attend and judge each other's weddings. The winner gets a 5 star honeymoon. And tharrr you go, easy.

Except that most are radiantly horrible and ever so alike. Oh, and Jordan has clearly impacted the nation's brides far more than I ever expected. This inflatable bride with her heeeeowwwj tiara and sparkly heeeeeooooowwwj barbiedress and her fairy tale carriage is clearly every woman's dream. It's like Weddings R Us from Disney Orlando. One of the aspiring brides hired the very same carriage as Jordan, she proudly told us. Her rival brides struggled not to be envious, but it was very hard on them. I was so alarmed I had to call larians in, to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He can vouch for said carriage being round and made of some lacy white metalwork with a pink seat inside. One bride, on trying it out, gleaned meagre satisfaction from its awful suspension. Considering what it's had to carry, I'm not surprised.

Right now it is clear that the preferred wedding dress is a kind of strapless A line business. It seems that most brides choose the voluminous Jordan route or this, and it's pretty inoffensive. But I wonder where the best friend/mother of the bride is for women who really don't suit their wedding dresses. It's not rocket science, if you're small, do not choose a dress that will eat you. If you're large, show off your delish boobs or your amazing spaceship- ready-to-ride arse, do not show off your bingo flaps in case your hubby mistakes you for a boeing 707. And speaking of hubbies, I've never seen so many dull looking grooms in my life. Shiny salmon waistcoats and buttonholes nicked from the cemetary next door, dear god, what is it with these men? It's like they're terrified to even try to look good!

My perfect trysting place? Butterfly house, don't come if creepy crawlies bother you. Be beautiful and don't wear much, on that day butterflies get to drink your sweat, thinking you're a flower, how sweet is that? Vows? Nah, got better things to do. My model will always be the fantastic Not-Wedding of greatbigshowoff and wildwinter May they always live happily ever after!

One final word on weddings

I guess I could do it. But only if I get to wear this: