![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Decelerating
Mar. 7th, 2024 11:50 amOne more public consultation and that's it... I think.
And having blown out the catch-up last night out of sheer exhaustion, a voice whispers in my ear; Are you sure you can't do the same tonight?
But tonight is different. This is for the public to offer thoughts about what we've created from the survey results. If anyone wants to know about specific subjects within the document, only two people know it thoroughly back to front and I am one of them.
Remind me never to do stuff like this again. I must always bear in mind that my life works better without any responsibility in it, that being a goofball is an option I should access more often, possibly all the time. I can do this kind of thing, but can I do it well? A weary voice within says Nah, the sterner me voice says Yes, but there's definitely an issue with gauging energy. What do I have to offer tonight? Feels like 20-25%. But my body's clear that it must be the last for a good long while, which makes me think I have much less than I consciously know/accept. Miracle chum is talking about slides for tonight, I don't recall anything about this or the video. It will be OK, but I have to be honest with myself; I am not at 20-25%, closer to 15-20%. I have to stop very soon. I have done almost nothing today, and ever so slightly dread the evening.
My mind needs to turn to lighter things; pale clothes and linen shirts, fringes and dyed eyebrows and dyed toenails come to that; Silly trivial stuff. My dreams of exotically beautiful fragrances must fade; apparently mosquitoes love floral scents, so instead I am going to smell of Deet all the way across SE Asia. I want to stop thinking about stuff that must be done, duties and being good etc, and start thinking about fun. Edinburgh to Istanbul, Istanbul to Hanoi. Man, I want to sleep on those flights! I am trying desperately not to think about what we will see, not to superimpose my imagination on what's coming. I don't need a long flight to holiday in my imagination. I want my head to be clear of preconceptions so that I'm fresh to the real.
And having blown out the catch-up last night out of sheer exhaustion, a voice whispers in my ear; Are you sure you can't do the same tonight?
But tonight is different. This is for the public to offer thoughts about what we've created from the survey results. If anyone wants to know about specific subjects within the document, only two people know it thoroughly back to front and I am one of them.
Remind me never to do stuff like this again. I must always bear in mind that my life works better without any responsibility in it, that being a goofball is an option I should access more often, possibly all the time. I can do this kind of thing, but can I do it well? A weary voice within says Nah, the sterner me voice says Yes, but there's definitely an issue with gauging energy. What do I have to offer tonight? Feels like 20-25%. But my body's clear that it must be the last for a good long while, which makes me think I have much less than I consciously know/accept. Miracle chum is talking about slides for tonight, I don't recall anything about this or the video. It will be OK, but I have to be honest with myself; I am not at 20-25%, closer to 15-20%. I have to stop very soon. I have done almost nothing today, and ever so slightly dread the evening.
My mind needs to turn to lighter things; pale clothes and linen shirts, fringes and dyed eyebrows and dyed toenails come to that; Silly trivial stuff. My dreams of exotically beautiful fragrances must fade; apparently mosquitoes love floral scents, so instead I am going to smell of Deet all the way across SE Asia. I want to stop thinking about stuff that must be done, duties and being good etc, and start thinking about fun. Edinburgh to Istanbul, Istanbul to Hanoi. Man, I want to sleep on those flights! I am trying desperately not to think about what we will see, not to superimpose my imagination on what's coming. I don't need a long flight to holiday in my imagination. I want my head to be clear of preconceptions so that I'm fresh to the real.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}