Nonsense from the half dead

[smokingboot]

And now... *drum roll*

The truth!

Big stuff on my mind. Should spill it, make it less real. So then, a small smokingboot realisation, a little truth.

Ah but first...

I have had a lovely new year in the beauteous domain of squintywitch with such chums as bad_moon_rising and happybat and other excellent company.
strange weather though, on the way up and back. On the way up, flocks of small birds low over the motorway, swarming this way and that as though the wind was a ball rolling above them, forcing them down close to the windscreens of cars. On the way back, a pale full moon shining with ghostful gleam and clouds changing their resolve, from rain to sleet even as I watched. Clouds. Can't trust them 'Moon in sickle, clouds be fickle,' that's an old west country saying that doesn't exist and wouldn't have any relevance in this instance if it did. I am tempted to start another lj account dedicated to exactly that kind of information. I may call it 'Custards and Custodians; Tales of the Bleeding North' but lj account names have to be so damnably short. This is why The Psychopath Quarterly never made its way into ljlife.

Another thing; what has the earth done to make so many enemies? Battlestar Gallactica season 2 is perhaps less paced than season 1, but oh god the ending!
And then there was a book, kindly lent by squintywitch, called 'World War Z' by Max Brooks. Its title is the nearest thing to tack about it. It's a book about zombies - yes, I know - but it really is excellent. Scared me a bit, and unless I am facing my gp with a hypo in his quivering mitts, I am not easily frightened. It is also very sad.
In terms of miserable fantasy/scifi worlds, Battlestar Gallactica I could bear and would fight to survive in, World War Z would have me taking the pharmaceutical route to Heaven/Hell/wherever nice pagans go, very quickly. Fascinating. There is one small point where the sense of verisimilitude is a bit wobbly, in a tiny moment's recounting of an Englishman's experiences; the man uses the word 'flipping.' I mean, who uses that? If you're English, your swear-word of definition is always 'bloody.' It's a law.

But that is not important. Here comes THE TRUTH!

The truth is...

Gaah, bollox to it. Nice night out, couldn't properly enjoy it, still ill, feeling faint and lightheaded right now (quite enjoying it actually) getting a chest x-ray tomorrow, not a good time to be deep or analyse anything. The truth can flipping wait.

Comments

[cyanidemigraine.livejournal.com]

*smiles*

was nice to see you, albeit you concerned us all, go and get your chest X-ray and dont be fobbed off by silly doctors, or stand for nonsense. and make sure you manage to eat stuff/sleep/dont be stressed.

I know its teaching you to suck eggs and for that i apologise, but im a firm believer that the immune system is squarely kicked in the teeth by eating habits changing dramatically, sleeping patterns changing that sort of thing.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thanks, you are very kind:-)

I am so embarrassed and frustrated now, the last few times I have seen you and Wends I have been so ill/tired/whatever I have had nothing to contribute to the evening, just sitting there like a vague stupid cloud, dull as a fog.

Don't want you all to think I can't be bothered, that I don't care or that I would rather be talking to other people, London chums. I do somehow feel better in London, but that's no reflection on my friends wherever they are.

Sleep is hard and I don't really want to eat. I'm not that stressed, but I guess the sleep/food thing may be getting in the way of healing up.

Ah well. Nice to see you all anyway!

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

Saw WWZ in Waterstones a while back, is it any good?
All the best for your trip to be x-rayed, just remember - a sucking chest wound is natures way of telling you to slow down.

[spiraltower.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year, Boot!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year to you too:-)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you for those words of wisdom:-)

Re WW2, oh yes, it is certainly very good. Zombies have always struck me as totally daft - who can fear a monster one can outstroll? - but this take on it was harrowing.

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well-hope the chest x-ray is helpful-try not to stress.
Wishing you better health (and if you enjoy the light-headed bit there other ways of getting that that dont involving being ill).
*hug*

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

'words of wisdom'
Hmm, is that what they call sleep deprivation induced gibberish these days? :-)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

What other kind of wisdom is there?

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Here's to those other ways, and thank you for the hug *hugs back*

[cyanidemigraine.livejournal.com]

was nice to see you too :D if we hadnt wanted too, we would never have suggested it *smiles*

and dont worry, im not so patriotic that i feel the need to defend manchester, now if youd said you thought you were allergic to us....*smiles* things may have been different, but im fairly certain that was never uttered. so frett not. i sometimes think i may have a fairly simplistic view on life, but its much the same as the advice i gave you about the shidhe, go where you want, do what you want, dont feel bad about liking one place more than another, friends will want you to be happy, first and foremost (and then miss you, admitedly if that means your elsewhere)

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

The writing on the back of consumer food products is also wisdom.

Keep Cool
Yeah, just chill out, relax.

Eat within three days
Sure as heck better than going hungry!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

The truth is that I really and totally don't belong here.

Easy to write unless I think about it. It's been a good place to stay, but not my home. Not the place's fault, I don't do the home thing, and I will never forget how delightful the place seemed when I arrived, warm and glowing in winter, smiling when the sun shines.

But I don't belong here and I know it. I am lonely in a way I can't quite describe. not that the company isn't lovely, just that I crave more, and old friends/places call out to me too. Got a couple of chums in the capital who think that the endless illnesses I'm suffering are my body's rebellion against a place where I never belonged and don't want to be.

It came to me in full force last night, when I was enjoying all your company so much, but nothing could shake this weird sense of wrong place wrong time. Nothing to be done, I can (all too easily!) live the life schizoidal and run from up and down the country. It's cool for now, lived in many nonhome places before. But I guess I needed to be brutally honest with myself about what I am doing and why I am doing it.

Or I could be just too ill to see my situation clearly. I'll think on this again later.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

This wisdom is innacessible to me as I neither cook nor shop!

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

(gasp)
Behold the miracle of the Boot!

For she can survive without food, or shopping!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

But see, she is totally helpless without minions!

If the zombies ever take over, my only hope will be lichdom.

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

I thought you would become the lizard queen...

Powerful enchatress, stood tall and pale atop her castle of dead mens teeth, commanding the endless legions of the dammned stood in serried ranks before her on the cold windswept plain.

"Go forth", she says, pointing towards the last unconquored outposts in the north, "Go forth and bring me, chocolate..."

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

As ever, you know my number if you want to mull stuff over.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-) hopefully this mood will lift as the health stuff improves, and I will be able to analyse more clearly.