Mrs Him

[smokingboot]

Listen to this and tell me where it goes wrong:

'Welcome to Hoover Candy Service department, to whom am I speaking?'
'I'm [insert first and surmane]'
'And may I call you Miss, Ms or Mrs [surname]?'
[reply with prefix of preference or say, 'Just call me boot']

Tough and complicated isn't it? So much better to have the following:

'What name is the appliance under?'
I give my beloved's surname cos he bought it.
'Ok Mrs [beloved's surname]'
'No, we're not married, we live together. My surname is [insert own surname]'
'OK Mrs [own surname]'
'No. Stop. We live together, we are not married. I am a Ms. This is the 21st century. How hard can it be?'

Q much confusion. She clearly cannot see why I am refusing the ultimate accolade available to all femininity everywhere; the compliment that some glorious penis wielder might look down upon this poor hapless maiden and offer to share his name with me, our eternal ultimate aspiration. Gosh, how grateful I should be.

It's that old assumption that every woman must want to be married. Now I have a very loving partner, and if ever man could put up with me as an appalling wife, he could; but my experience of other people's marriages, from parents to friends, has not filled me with sanguine expectation; I love weddings, it's the matrimony bit, with its historical background of ownership, that isn't for me. Love freely given and freely taken suits me better.

I understand that all have their own preference, and I respect that preference. Just don't assume it's mine.

Of course, everyone has a different take on this, hence my suggestion for an opening intro on the phone for professional matters. But this is too much trouble; after all, we all want it secretly, don't we? Unless we're lesbians of course, or one of those poor divorced ladies who still have appliances bought in their marital names. Oh well, maybe it will make them recall those magic days when they belonged, or make them try harder next time.

So just call me Mrs Him, or Her Indoors or The Missus, and I'll get that warm glow that comes from being owned and therefore cherished, right? I mean we all know the real test of whether I have worth is not about what I do or who I am, but if I can get a man to invest in me long term, with engagement ring as non-refundable deposit, right?

Or we could bypass any possible irritation one way or another, and just ask.

Engineer's supposed to be coming tomorrow. Let's see what happens when they call.

Comments

[caffeine-fairy.livejournal.com]

I've just had a twenty minute argument with B&Q because there's no option for "Ms" on their website.

Don't say to me "But you're married, you have to be Mrs". Grr

[wildwinter.livejournal.com]

Why not tell them "No, it's Lady [boot]" Or possibly Dame. Or Doña? Grand High Poobah?

greatbigshowoff and I, of course, have a different issue. We both have the same surname anyway - which again causes confusion. The Collectors of Names aren't quite sure whether we're married, incestuous, or just Welsh.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

It's so much better that way!

Are you back from Iceland?

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

*growls in sympathy*

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Good idea btw. From now on I shall call myself Contessa DevrahDeboot. Or the right reverend Gallagher.

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

I think the mistake may have been them wasting time asking ridiculous 'Customer focused' questions instead of sorting out your problem.

Should have gone:

"Hello how may I help you."

[describe issue]

"May I have the details of your guarantee/service agreement?"

Finished



Ms is an issue though..... especially in other countrys. Which is where most call centres are now.

A lot of non native speakers are taught that Miss and Mrs are the two forms of polite address.

Its not really helped even in the UK that a lot of girls/women will be offended if you call them 'Ms' as well.

In addition on the phone and in person (especially where its not your first language many people will hear 'Ms' as 'Miss' since its fairly unpronounceable.

Better to level the tables and refer to men as Master or Mr dependent on status marital.

[wildwinter.livejournal.com]

Nope - just taking the opportunity to write stuff in a hotel. Rach isn't here yet - flying over from Boston tonight.

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

Did you phone them to complain there was no 'Ms' option?

Really?

[caffeine-fairy.livejournal.com]

Nah, I had to contact them anyway. But I'd have sent them a snotty email if I hadn't.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

A lot of good points there. I never really understand the women who get offended by being called Ms. It's like Mrs is seen as a rank in 'I earned these stripes and don't you forget it' style. While women treat marriage as an esteem/status booster instead of an equal partnership, inequality will always be an underlying reality.

Surely the way to level things is to have neutral prefixes for both sexes?

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

Oh good grief, here we go with 'perdata' stupidity again. We do have neutral prefixes 'mr' for males and 'ms' (from the short version of mistress) for females. Though why anyone would want to be greeted by insect noises is beyond me.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I must shamefacedly confess to not knowing what 'perdata' means!

When Mrs as an abbreviation of Mistress was applied to all grown women (admittedly a couple of centuries ago now) it was OK.

I don't necessarily want to be identified by insect noises, but if the only alternative is to define myself by the extent to which I am bound over to an xy, linking myself to a tradition which I hope will bring joy to those who trust in it, but which I have almost always found more ruinous to the lives of women than any other single instance, I'll live with the sound and keep my partnership status my own affair *no pun intended!*

My god, I seem to have turned into Elizabeth I!

*applauds*

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

Occasionally people ring up here and ask if I'm Mrs (R's surname) and i tell them icily that there is no Mrs (R's surname)...
That usually flummoxes them enough that they forget what they were trying to sell me.

[sixtine.livejournal.com]

Ah, now that's funny. I always had reservations about getting married but enjoy it muchly now I've done it. However, my marital status is something I regard as no-one's business but mine - it simply isn't relevant. I don't give a title unless I'm asked and if I am I say 'doctor'. Part of the problem is that while men have only a non-marital form of address, women have a choice of Ms or Mrs. If there was merely one option I don't think there'd be so much sweat lost over the issue.

What did used to drive me wild was when S moved into my house with me. The house was in my name. Cold callers used to ring up, hear me answer and ask for 'Mr Roberts' - who is, of course, my dad as S's name is Smith. Gnrgh.

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

Suzette kept her surname when we married (actually, I was very tempted to switch mine to hers, as mine is long, pompous and people usually get it wrong anyway). She is also a MS-and Im proud of her.
However much we let people know-they still call her by name though (often including my Christian name as well to rub it in). Society is incredible dumb and slow sometimes.

[crystalsage.livejournal.com]

Off subject, but I just wanted to let you know I've added you to my friends list. I found you by randomly clicking through some of my friends of friends lists. We have a few interests in common, and I like your posting style. ;)

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

'Perdata' comes from a previous attempt by the politically correct nazis to enforce neutral gender terminology (in the nineties IIRC).
The argument runs like this - you cannot call someone a person as the word 'son' implies a male (equally perdaughter is right out) therfore we say perdata as data is a nice gender neutral term. This was used in some English Labour council areas eg perdatahole (manhole being sexist), chairperdata, etc

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I think the offence thing is probably left over from the first introduction of Ms. Lots of people didn't want to be associated with the movement that started it and saw it as just a judgmental a word. Using Ms. caused people to make an assumption about your personal feelings and politiocs. Some women assume that people using it are in some way embarressed by being married. Less true now but its still a hang over, especially with the older generation.

I dunno, in france, madame/madamoiselle is a polite respect thing as well as a marital indicator you'll often be corrected but are expected to say 'madame' unless you've been told otherwise.

Master fell out of use for men so MR is used even though it's technically an indicator of status.

I think changiong common usage is very difficult, still in another ten years I imagine Ms will be the norm as the older generation become less influential.

At the end of the day the negative connotation of Ms/Mrs is placed on it by women (these days) I think... I don't know many men who really care if your married or not.... if all women started using Mrs instead (much like Mr) then it may have been easier to effect a quicker change by changing an extant word. Obviously a bit late for that now though....

Gosh aint semantics difficult.

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

Which is odd in itself given the negative connotations of Mistress in modern speak.

[lucyas.livejournal.com]

I really sympathise with you.
News Shopper would not use Ms. As a sub editor there it used to drive me mad and lead to many difficult conversation with people being interviewed for features - trying to explain that although they may call themselves Ms the newspaper would only use Miss or Mrs, so which would they prefer? And, no, we did not use the first name followed by the last name after the first useage. So if they would not choose Miss or Mrs we would choose for them.
It annoyed me particularly as, although I am married, I am not Mrs Davies, I am Ms Szachnowski as I did not sign the forms to legally change my name and have no desire to do so.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

When I first started using 'Ms' my father told me that everyone would think I was a lesbian. But then, when I joined Amnesty International he told me with all the assurance of a grade A idiot that the organisation was a spin off from the communist party...

There's a lot of old rubbish to sweep away.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that marriage is making you happy :-) though I mistrust the state intently myself! And I agree with what you say about its relevance to how you are addressed. One option, like Mr for guys, would make things much easier; don't know why this is so complicated.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I agree about society, but the good news is that things seem to be speeding up, and I really feel it will get faster and faster. People will always want to celebrate their love, but more and more the partnership is seen as an equal thing, perhaps because affording property is not something that can come down to a single salary earner any more.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I love making new friends!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

That's just outrageous. Was any reason given for the policy?