smokingboot

First, thank you to those mystery cupids who sent me valentines. I am pleased, bashful and slightly mystified!

Alas, this year I had no time to be a mystery cupid myself; time I would normally have spent in an internet cafe sending out cryptic and largely pointless teasers to people I like was instead spent in the University hospital on Warren Street. It's a long story.

More trauma came from my first view of the channel's ads I worked on. What is wrong with these people? I caught a glimpse of one just before I was rushed into a pre-show brief. They were all telling me how good it looked. I was the colour of margarine! They said it was the monitor. So I have just seen one of the ads on my home tv. *Holds head in hands*

Now I do not suffer from the seemingly very British inability to take a compliment; if you tell me I am wearing a pretty dress and I think so too, I will merely thank you and agree with you; I wouldn't put it on if I thought it was ugly, so I will not spiral into that graceless shuffle of 'What this old thing? I just threw it on after washing the floor with
it ...you think I'm pretty? Oh, that's just make up, I'm a gargoyle really ... you like my watch? I think it's horrid, I only wear it cos my aunt bought it for me ... ' I never get the point of this bizarre self abnegation. So when I say I don't look good, believe me I am not being modest, nor am I looking for reassurance. I am just stating the brutal truth.

I don't look good in these ads.

I look like a reject from the Human League.

Why do they all bang on about my hair? Are we on different planets or something? It is clearly far too dark under the light. I look as though I borrowed it off Marilyn Manson.
My freckles, fringe, and double chin do not help. Anything.

But the star of the show is undoubtedly the mole beneath my right eye; combined with the eyeliner the effect is very peculiar. The guy who shot the footage told me I was a natural. A natural what? Seventeenth century goth with no wardrobe?

I know, I know, looks aren't everything, and to worry about a few seconds of dodgy footage is shallow. Still.

Bottoms.

*sigh*

Shallow bottoms.