DWW

[smokingboot]

Sitting in front of all the CICA paperwork. I can sign it and accept the pitiful amount they are offering me...or I can appeal again.

There's almost no point in appealing again, as far as I can tell it'll be 6 more months of waiting for the same amount.

But it is such a small amount, for something that changed my whole life. I try to think of those who get hurt much more and are given much less; that's reality. Let's face it, I shouldn't be complaining that my diamond shoes are tight. And I don't understand myself. Why am I so upset?

This time yesterday I was laughing in a friend's house. This time the day before we were driving into Kent, an interesting move as we were aiming for Warwickshire. This time the day before...I can't recall the day before. Life is good...but the truth is, a lot of the time I am not all right.

I could spend it on some needed repairs for the house oop narth. I could spend it on a party for my beau for his 40th, I could spend it on a very special present for him, I could make an exceedingly short film with it, I could get a little training in animal care, I could buy one (short!)term of a PhD, I could go for a holiday somewhere, I can save it for getting the beasties to Oz, if we go... I can do any one of these, and if I think like that, it all becomes easier. But to be honest, I would have liked it to stretch to two of the above, and there's just not enough in the pot.

It is no big deal. But I left those papers downstairs on the table, and cannot go back to look at them.

Not right now; though I know it will be all right.

Later then.