A Moan and A Castle
Sep. 12th, 2019 10:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootSo my mother is convinced that last night when we were on the phone I was crying and she thinks I was crying because I don't want to leave London.
I wasn't crying, I was just very tired, too tired to plaster the clown smile on my face that satisfies though never quite convinces her. I was jolly enough, I am perfectly ready to leave London. She doesn't want me to leave London; and due to the nature of her illnesses, she has no awareness that these are projections. It's at times like these I realise what a thorough though not deliberate gaslighter she is, and how for at least 45 years she has been interpreting my expressions, re-interpreting my emotions, and oh so lovingly calling me a liar.
The reason I was so tired is that I flew up to Scotland so we could go have a look at this place. https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-64413654.html
OK so it's just a four bedroom flat rather than the whole thing, but it's beautiful, all winding stairs and secret nooks. It's by no means a real castle, more a 19th century pretty built by some magnate of the area. Most magical of all, the flat is the only one to have access to the roof. We sat there for a while among the chimneypots watching the autumn sun lowering over Stirling Castle and the Wallace monument, trees all around us...Yes, nearly Narnia.
But it won't do. There's no real way down for four ageing cats to reach the gardens. At least one of them would try to stuff themselves down one of those charming chimney flues, or throw themselves straight off the roof in pursuit of birds. We were hoping that what was described as the 'basement' floor was the ground floor, in fact the lowest part of the flat is one and a half floors up, so it's a no-no. We'll probably go for the house that isn't half as fairy-touched. We'll have to bring some magic of our own.
I wasn't crying, I was just very tired, too tired to plaster the clown smile on my face that satisfies though never quite convinces her. I was jolly enough, I am perfectly ready to leave London. She doesn't want me to leave London; and due to the nature of her illnesses, she has no awareness that these are projections. It's at times like these I realise what a thorough though not deliberate gaslighter she is, and how for at least 45 years she has been interpreting my expressions, re-interpreting my emotions, and oh so lovingly calling me a liar.
The reason I was so tired is that I flew up to Scotland so we could go have a look at this place. https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-64413654.html
OK so it's just a four bedroom flat rather than the whole thing, but it's beautiful, all winding stairs and secret nooks. It's by no means a real castle, more a 19th century pretty built by some magnate of the area. Most magical of all, the flat is the only one to have access to the roof. We sat there for a while among the chimneypots watching the autumn sun lowering over Stirling Castle and the Wallace monument, trees all around us...Yes, nearly Narnia.
But it won't do. There's no real way down for four ageing cats to reach the gardens. At least one of them would try to stuff themselves down one of those charming chimney flues, or throw themselves straight off the roof in pursuit of birds. We were hoping that what was described as the 'basement' floor was the ground floor, in fact the lowest part of the flat is one and a half floors up, so it's a no-no. We'll probably go for the house that isn't half as fairy-touched. We'll have to bring some magic of our own.
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Date: 2019-09-12 10:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-13 08:06 am (UTC)But yes, for a moment there was such a fairy glamour around it, standing on the roof over hills and trees, and Stirling castle gleaming gold on a crag beyond!