After this, that...

[smokingboot]

Discussing Mum with bro. Due to her problems with her new phone and lack of power (she insists on living without electricity) it is very hard to stay in touch with her. He wants to go live in Spain for 3 months and work from there, and is angling hard that I should do the same. I think the idea is that we take alternate stints out there.

Six months a year away from home would surely have major ramifications on my life and marriage; that's not an issue for Bro, most of whose relationships end up in the Bermuda Triangle anyway. But now there is the added issue of Covid. She will not vaccinate, so it's not just about getting through airports and isolating, then going to see her. I guess we would need to take tests every day, and even that doesn't mean we won't contact some variant of it just wandering through the streets on the way to her house. Though she would love to see us, she now believes we are permanently infected. She will be afraid of us being in her space.

R thinks it is just bro trying to tell me what to do, and to some extent I see that. But Bro is also right. We need to be around for her. Ugh, I don't know how to square this circle.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

I think it would be logistically very difficult for you to spend six months a year in Spain. (None of my business, of course, but I am your friend, and part of friendship is speaking occasionally on behalf of the Department of Unsolicited Advice. 😀 )

Not to mention the fact that it seems as though your mother wouldn't want you there.

I mean, just how is your brother envisioning this scenario will work? Seems as though the real concerns are (A) your mother doesn't know how to use the new phone and (b) your mother has no way to charge the new phone (since she doesn't have electricity.(

Seems to me that those two things can be solved without semi-permanent Spanish residence. Are there home care agencies in Spain? If there are, possibly the thing to do might be to contract with one to look in on your mother at regular intervals and charge her phone.

Since she knew how to use the old phone, I might also look into tracking down that model and giving it to her.

[smokingboot]

This is just so clarifying, thank you. I really appreciate your help - and it is help, believe me! The situation muddles me so much.

I get caught between the feeling that I should be nearby in case she needs me, but what you have given me here is something very necessary, a reality check on the situation; She does not actually want us there right now. She has been very happy with text conversations with me every day, especially as she now thinks the jabs have permanently infected us with Covid.

Why she didn't get the same model is the mystery. She gets her phone recharged at the shop every few days, so if the shop closed for the holidays, that would be her stuck. Bro bought her a solar charger but she says she can't use it. Of course she could go round to see the family, which is only a couple of streets away, but she just will not. Right now, that's a good thing.

The whole care agency thing is something I have never looked into, because she would just tell them to go away. It would be an extension of the whole Powers Spying On Her delusion.

As you say, the best gift Bro and I can give her is a new version of that old phone. I don't think she could change her sim card, she gets the shop to do that. Still, if they are cool about it, then so be it.

Thanks for being so lucid and such a good friend XX