Smokingboot

Strange night apparently; R told me that the cats were going crazy yowling and pacing, and old tomcat spent a large part of the night on my side of the bed, close to me. Very odd.

I slept through it all.

Brother feeling better I think, good start to the new year.

Meanwhile my testers continue to fascinate.

Gladiator Oud by Electimuss
"Inspired by the famed Gladiators of Ancient Rome, courageous warriors who dominated and entertained in the Colosseum, Gladiator Oud opens with a powerful and thrilling accord of salty, elemental ambergris. Cardamom combines with the cool of Egyptian geranium for an impression of steel and strength. Hay absolute, Haitian vetiver and cumin seed capture the sun warmed earth of the gladiatorial arena. Oud oil and cedarwood bring nobility and elegance to the battle, with the gold and glory of victory elicited through accords of intense saffron and honey."

I guess I had some kind of sand and sandals hopes with this, something that made me think of Caesar's Telinium, a mix of olive oil, fenugreek, marjoram and sweet yellow clover, this last apparently smelling like new mown hay. OK, so fenugreek is terrifying stuff, but at least it would have been historically interesting. I admit that this mixture might not have been exactly alluring to a 21st century nose, but still...this really is just oud with geranium extract. Yes, honey, hay, vetiver, I'm sure. I almost got a honey/cumin moment but mayb that's just market susceptibility talking. Gladiator Oud makes my head buzz. First scrub-off of the Christmas testers, and getting it off me was a desperate fight. This thing's got incredible longevity, but it's dull and slightly irritating. I'd have been happier with old Caesar's preference. I bet Cleopata knew when he was on his way.

£395 for 100 ml. Ridiculous.

A favourite present of mine, perfume samples! And because I have received some very worrying news, an excellent distraction...

Ganymede is described thus:

Jupiter’s immense satellite has not only inspired our perfume’s name, but is also known to be full of craters and to have an underground ocean vaster than all of earth’s oceans put together. The perfume’s creators, Marc-Antoine Barrois and Quentin Bisch, have imagined it here in a world with an atmosphere brimming with aromatics that it becomes combustible: its sky is gleaming with the sour spike of mandarin and the holy fumaroles of incense and myrrh. It’s a planet covered with warm velvet dunes where the spicy and caramelized everlasting flower is preponderant. The fiery heart of this fragrance reminds us that the gods gave Ganymede eternal life so that his beauty would never fade. Is it the smoldering skin hidden underneath the wild leather? This precious perfume extract is as much a sophisticated perfume as a carnal one.Ganymede EXTRAIT unfolds in its dizzying trail the seduction of great Classics.
The sound of the waves from far away. The wind is sweeping a field of everlasting flowers. The sun takes out its right and heats the spicy, almost syrupy scent of these yellow flowers. The waves are caressing the dune.
The wind picks up the sand into warm, leathery, heady gusts- incense, myrrhe? Grains of sand are twirling, incandescent. The rock is flushing, the Akigalawood and Mandarin bring minerals and freshness. The air becomes… captivating.

“Ganymede's twin with a much more seductive character” - Marc-Antoine Barrois

Or...

Fennel. Lots and lots of Fennel maybe something other vaguely aniseed/liquorice-like with violet extract or violet leaves. There may be curry leaves or cumin deep under all this.The surface of Ganymede is a big herbal hoot! I don't mind it but R hates it instantly. It's not beguiling, it's not approachable particularly, there's no sweetness to it, and it's only carnal if your idea of the perfect assignation is with someone hefting metal cannisters full of cooking herbs to and from the local market. For that, you might as well get them fresh at far less than $380 per 50 ml.

Tom Ford made one of the greatest perfumes of all time, Black Orchid. It's a perfume I always have, and only wear for dangerous liaisons and assignations. It's for night, it's for winter, it's for worldliness, it's for hedonism, it's a patchouli/chocolate treatment without the sweetness that turned Angel into the staple of porn stars.

But Tom Ford hasn't really captivated me since. This next tester is Noir Extreme, which R didn't realise is for men. I guessed almost instantly because of the old conventions that inhabit perfumery and even now make their way into gender identity: Male notes traditionally include leather and tobacco, female notes include lilies and roses. Bloody nonsense as it's all chemicals anyway. You want to wear Noir Extreme? Maybe that's the part of you that wants to drive cars and smoke cigars in the club, a part we shall call 'Man'. You want to wear Joy de Patou? Maybe that's a part of you craving a beautiful meadow and a lover walking towards you with a labrador puppy in their arms, a part we shall call 'Woman.' If this sounds like sexist stereotyping along the lines of buy-her-a-hoover-she'll-love-it that's cos it is, and yes, there's a lot of old wine to be found in very fancy 21st century bottles. Nowhere are these tropes more obvious than in perfumery. I love perfumery but am the first to agree that it's at least 50 percent BS, and of that BS, at least 50% is based on evocation and memory. And what forms one's memories? Is it not our emotional understanding, our categorising of experiences we go through and how we interpret them - or how society interprets them for us?

'Male' perfumes change less, The top notes seem to stay a lot longer. Maybe this is because in our society men are 'taught' or 'allowed' or something like that, to try something and walk away if they don't like it. Female-targeted perfumery has a lot more mystique around it; women are spun a lot of stuff about top notes; the idea is to wait a little and see if, when the top notes die down, we like what we smell. But no-one expects male customers to try then wait. The marketing prediction is that they will make a decision straight away, based on first impressions. The result is that their perfumes are less chimera-like. They may fade, but they do not change.

The defining scent in Noir Extreme is a strong but mellow tobacco note that turns up behind various spices and sandalwood. When I have previously found these in feminine perfumes, they are inevitably sweetened in some way. Didn't happen here. And it stayed this way, with a kind of vanilla amber note smoothing it out. I'd like to see how this smells on my husband.

I like Noir Extreme and I'll try it again to see if I grow into it. But tbh if I'm going to spend more money on Tom Ford, I might as well stick to the divine Black Orchid.

https://www.lookfantastic.com/tom-ford-noir-extreme-eau-de-parfum-50ml/12018668.html?affil=thggpsad&switchcurrency=GBP&shippingcountry=GB&thg_ppc_campaign=71700000088329921&adtype=&product_id=12018668&gclid=Cj0KCQiAw9qOBhC-ARIsAG-rdn75VwM3GrH4Wjsz1SGwBvALYDa7ynzuFWRyUQvBD8ZemR8AOmsEBLkaAr74EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.thefragranceshop.co.uk/tom-ford/black-orchid/eau-de-parfum-spray/p/31628?msclkid=960e9d6010fb121e0aeafcb70e5d93c7&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Shopping%20%7C%20Smart%20%7C%20Burberry&utm_term=4581390086767403&utm_content=Shopping%20%7C%20Smart%20%7C%20Burberry

Luca Turin had plenty to say about this:

"Xerjoff is an Italian firm, situated along the bullshit continuum somewhere between Creed and Roja Dove, but with less access to perfumery talent than the former and less retro heft than the latter. When Italians do cynical, they do it properly. The website video of founder Sergio Momo expatiating about eternal beauty, in various locations rented for the day, is a gem. The perfumes are mostly vile and cheap-smelling, the packaging design eye-wateringly vulgar, the prices stellar. This one retails for £495 at Harrods. It is a dismal fruity thing slashed across the face by a repellent woody amber."

Why won't this guy stop pussyfooting around, and just say what he thinks?

I loved Alexandria II when I first tried it. Truly.

But something strange happens after these samples are opened. Russian Musk II was just a gorgeous musk. Now it's absolutely addictive. Alexandria II had a kind of parchment like/incense tone hidden in the top notes. Now it's just quite nice. I don't think it's faded but perhaps I have. Also, today I had to go out into the cold and rainy city, so the perfume didn't have the chance to bloom in condusive warmth. On me this is for autumns and evenings, the kind of scent that suits business meetings, suits, the opera, formality, ladies and gentlemen alike. It lasts, it doesn't smother, it doesn't go through strange chemical changes on the skin, it doesn't shriek to be noticed (but it will be noticed) it is less stink than distinct. Very classy. But after some of these others, it pales. So long Alexandria!

https://seescents.com/products/xerjoff-alexandria-ii-50ml?variant=39533440368777¤cy=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2020-06-21&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=Cj0KCQiAw9qOBhC-ARIsAG-rdn61Zz1pAv0U0REPvfnsy2sfSukgYOVkn0wmO1pbkVvalnHR_GlIrWQaAjkUEALw_wcB

P.S. Put it on at 10.30 am, by 5pm subtle and lovely. A contender but it takes forever to get going!

P.P.S. I wonder if Luca Turin isn't actually a bit of a tit.

https://www.gents.co.uk/roja-musk-aoud-absolue-precieux-30-ml

Yup, that's 30 ml for £925.

If this tester isn't spoiled, then it is not so much the Emperor's New Clothes as the Emperor covering his testicles in glue and glitter and sitting atop a Christmas tree, waving his wand. No, it's not worth nearly a thousand quid, far from it. I have to face the possibility that there is something wrong with the sample. The liquid is very dark, though that's not always an indicator of trouble. the oil runs thick on my wrists. You aren't supposed to rub perfumes, but if you don't with this, the trickle factor is a thing.

Aaaaaand there's oud, some other stuff, musk too of course. Then there's smoke. Smoke! Have some more smoke!

Then there's a weird chemical headache, and for the first time with any of these testers, I have had to wash the stuff off within the first half an hour. Apart from a vague olfactory buzz all it brings me is a painful bonce. I will contact the suppliers, see if this was an old batch or something.

But if this is the perfume as it stands, it either seriously does not suit my skin, or it is a massive rip-off. Yeesh.

I needed a break from all that oud, which even yet inhabits my clothes and cuff edges, permeating everything like some terrifying fabric softener from which no washing escapes. Don't approach me now unless you are brave, cos all the showers/baths/pods can't get rid of the mingled oud and musk and gawd knows what else currently heralding my arrival anywhere. A lot of these fragrances cost a fortune, and now I understand why. Beautiful or not (and many are beautiful) They last and follow you around for years.

Tacit was a pleasant change. Tacit's nice, indeed Tacit might well be a buyer for next year, cos it definitely is a sunshine summer cologne style fragrance. My favourite for summers has been Un Jardin Apres La Mousson (https://www.hermes.com/uk/en/product/un-jardin-apres-la-mousson-eau-de-toilette-V22938/) which is a very cooling watermelon/ cucumber/ ginger combo, great as an escape from boiling streets full of exhaust fumes and dust, but La Mousson is an eau de toilette, so it doesn't last long.

By contrast, Tacit makes me think of a beachside city like Sidney, or maybe just anywhere on the med. It's not a complex perfume, mainly citrus, but manages to avoid that screech of cleaning fluid that hits me right between the eyes with a day long headache. This is more yuzu than lemon alongside a pleasant basil tone, fresh and herbal, stays close to the skin, doesn't asphyxiate neighbours in their own houses, boss wont be clutching at his desk drawers for painkillers or anything else he keeps there. Having said that, some might find Tacit a bit bland. Me, I think it's ever so well behaved but that's not a dealkiller.

La Mousson works for baking cities but in a place with more damp in the air like, ooh, anywhere in Scotland, a brighter, dryer scent might be very nice. I'll keep this tester for good weather. If it still suits, maybe I'll swap out Tacit for La Mousson, or maybe I'll just get both.


https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/Tacit-Eau-de-Parfum-50ml-R049682006.html?istCompanyId=53594fab-416e-42ab-b3ca-8816d2013fe8&istFeedId=6894997c-21a2-4de5-ad8c-4f4c2b36367d&istItemId=irwwrxait&istBid=t&gclid=CjwKCAiAiKuOBhBQEiwAId_sK2cpaPKOmSGZRKreUWfN2AlJjy3F28EUNcxrpZPA1S2HM98vSY4YZhoCgq4QAvD_BwE

Woah! Anosmic moment in the first spray, then lots of cool dry aperitif like alcohol followed by bitter almonds and what I think is saffron. There's something like blood orange too, tucked away in a lot of generic mid note stuff. I'm sensitive to almonds, but it's not any kind of full blown allergy thing; I could wear this, it's quite elegant and stays close to the skin. Thing is, when it dries down, on my skin the body of the perfume becomes a bit boiled sweet. Later, for some reason, up comes the ambergris and (hopefully synthetic) musk, which is rather nice. It's a Charlotte Rampling of a perfume; is she beautiful? Just interesting? Or does it depend on the day?

https://www.johnlewis.com/brand/womens-fragrance/maison-francis-kurkdjian/baccarat-rouge-540/_/N-4bsgZ1z13s19Z1z0djnv?s_ppc=1dx43700067443379626&tmad=c&tmcampid=1&s_kwcid=AL!9689!3!560709798935!e!!g!!baccarat%20rouge%20540&gclid=CjwKCAiAiKuOBhBQEiwAId_sK_S1arUqg2CQkU9xqnxEGH3d4n06AFc0HiRhM8_6VRdxUBnjsat2VRoCkwoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

With the tester coming in at £20 for 1 ml, I thought I would try this first. But see! I fall over at the first hurdle. Maybe I'm not really going to do a review; maybe I just want to point and laugh at other people's reviews. Very charitable, Boot, Merry Christmas!

Here we go courtesy of a reviewer who calls themselves Stinkyriddle, and deserves some kind of perfumery trolling award. I hope.

"Russian Adam has chosen to highlight the animalic aspect of Deer Musk by macerating both the grains and the skin of the Musc sack. With deer musk, dried grains typically have a smooth minty/fuzzy/chocolatey aspect to them while the skin contains the urinous elements that are found within the opening blast of intense deer musk when spraying Russian Musk II.

So let’s talk about the scent! For starters let’s clarify a few terms. RMII is a classic animalic Chypre with a heavy emphasis on urinous musk laden bubblegum florals, pissy lime notes and bitter oakmoss steeped Mysore and Oud in the drydown. Imagine the scent of unwashed jeans where maybe a little bit of dribble runs down your leg after shaking yourself off (this is genderless by the way ANYONE can get dribble on their leg pissing ANYWHERE). Now take those same jeans and wear them for a few days in a row. You’ll have a good idea how the musk note in this fragrance smells. It’s alittle pissy, alittle primal and a little raw.

Now that we got that out of the way and have determined what “musk” means in this fragrance RMII showcases a glorious musky bubblegum floral accord of a bygone era. Patchouli lends a dry powdery aspect to carry the musk through the base where we see a warm, furry drydown that feels ever so vintage yet entirely “old world”. Depending on who you ask will depend on old world meaning “old man with pissy jeans” or the old world before deodorant and regular showers/clothes washing was a norm and people doused themselves in aldehydes and oakmoss. Regardless, this is musky all the way till the end baby!

I’m sure the folks who regularly dose themselves in animal secretions will be rolling their eyes at my review but I promise you the average person will think you haven’t washed your undies in awhile. Now personally I think this smells great. I love it. BUT it’s been said to smell like urinal cakes so I want to be objective about my love for this kind of perfumery.

Someone who’s never smelled this kind of musk might be put off especially if they weren’t expecting something so animalic. However if it you WANT to smell like a deer’s sex secretion THIS is what you want to put on. This is the scent of nitro musk boosted Siberian musk."


Gad.

At the risk of tremendous tameness and evidently soul-destroying levels of hygiene, all I got was a blast of spice and wood. I did detect a momentary chocolate note, but that hovered briefly before dying. RMII stays the same for a long time then dries down to an amber/patchouli/oud combination plus florals and musk. Now, the musk is gorgeous and deep, almost hypnotic, but the mid-note effect is soapy, not exactly unknown or expensive in perfumery. This stuff stays, oh how it stays! But no-one is going to think you smell like dirty laundry, for all there are doubtless some interesting body chemistries out there. I hope never to meet Stinky Riddle, but suspect I will know if I do.

Investigation finds the perfume contains the note called 'natural musk' and a little checking up shows why it is expensive. Looks as though, yes, we are talking musk from the sac of the deer, though the levels of maceration claimed by Stinky Riddle are beyond me to argue for or against.

This is a beautiful musk note, but there are plenty of cheaper synthetics out there that do just as well, cost much less, and leave our musk deer populations alone. And with that, the RMII adventure ends.

Or will end. Serious longevity here, can't get this stuff off for love nor money.

https://areejledore.com/collections/all
Limited edition, so probably sold out.