That was the day that was
Aug. 18th, 2023 07:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootIt's a stage 2 cancer.
Smaller and they would whip it out, larger and they would be talking mastectomy. But this is the kind of cancer which responds to oestrogen, using it to grow, so I am on an oestrogen inhibitor for months, in the hope that lack of oestrogen will starve and shrink the cancer until it is much smaller by the time we operate, (another menopause, because you can never have too many!) at which point they will whip out a couple of lymph glands as well to check for what will hopefully show a lack of spread. The treatment can have severe side effects, osteoporosis being the most pertinent as my GGrandmother had it, but they will scan me for bone thinning at some point. Calcium supplements will be needed. No-one has told me I must eat my body weight in cheese, but that's the obvious conclusion from the leaflets.
There will be scars, there may be loss of hair, aching joints, excessive and seemingly chronic fatigue, headaches, nausea, night sweats, insomnia, depression, tendency to diabetes 2, fragile tendons*, fractured bones and the one that everyone on Letrozole complains about, fat, fat that doesn't go away with exercise and dieting. Turns out I may want liposuction after all; but not straight away, in case they have to change the shape of the breasts. Apparently they can take fat from other bits of your body and fill in the gaps so to speak. If I carry on like this I'll have a pair of Munchausen balloons floating over my body like the surface of the moon.
It's not perfect, but it's better than I was expecting. Having said that, it all comes down to how the cancer responds to this medication. I took my first dose yesterday and right now, all I feel is a light headache. I'm going to believe it will be OK. And whether I like it or not, a complete overhaul of lifestyle is necessary. I've never been a smoker, so that helps but let's face it, I've been partying since I was 25, it's no hardship to be more of a grown-up at 61.
My brother phoned. His response to the news was 'Oh for fcks sake, Debbie! What did you go and do that for?' Then he pulled himself together and apologised in his real voice (I can't explain what it is, but I recognise it) for not being there for me when I needed him.
I told him it was fine because it was, talked to him about the procedures ahead, voiced my concerns re Mum and the need to stop her spiralling into a horrible fantasy. He agreed to be helpful if I run out of puff and cannot keep up conversation that helps her. Then we talked about his partner's issues and how he can't handle his work. But it felt like a good conversation.
Helluva road this. I would rather not be on it, but as I am, here we go.
*Uh-oh
Smaller and they would whip it out, larger and they would be talking mastectomy. But this is the kind of cancer which responds to oestrogen, using it to grow, so I am on an oestrogen inhibitor for months, in the hope that lack of oestrogen will starve and shrink the cancer until it is much smaller by the time we operate, (another menopause, because you can never have too many!) at which point they will whip out a couple of lymph glands as well to check for what will hopefully show a lack of spread. The treatment can have severe side effects, osteoporosis being the most pertinent as my GGrandmother had it, but they will scan me for bone thinning at some point. Calcium supplements will be needed. No-one has told me I must eat my body weight in cheese, but that's the obvious conclusion from the leaflets.
There will be scars, there may be loss of hair, aching joints, excessive and seemingly chronic fatigue, headaches, nausea, night sweats, insomnia, depression, tendency to diabetes 2, fragile tendons*, fractured bones and the one that everyone on Letrozole complains about, fat, fat that doesn't go away with exercise and dieting. Turns out I may want liposuction after all; but not straight away, in case they have to change the shape of the breasts. Apparently they can take fat from other bits of your body and fill in the gaps so to speak. If I carry on like this I'll have a pair of Munchausen balloons floating over my body like the surface of the moon.
It's not perfect, but it's better than I was expecting. Having said that, it all comes down to how the cancer responds to this medication. I took my first dose yesterday and right now, all I feel is a light headache. I'm going to believe it will be OK. And whether I like it or not, a complete overhaul of lifestyle is necessary. I've never been a smoker, so that helps but let's face it, I've been partying since I was 25, it's no hardship to be more of a grown-up at 61.
My brother phoned. His response to the news was 'Oh for fcks sake, Debbie! What did you go and do that for?' Then he pulled himself together and apologised in his real voice (I can't explain what it is, but I recognise it) for not being there for me when I needed him.
I told him it was fine because it was, talked to him about the procedures ahead, voiced my concerns re Mum and the need to stop her spiralling into a horrible fantasy. He agreed to be helpful if I run out of puff and cannot keep up conversation that helps her. Then we talked about his partner's issues and how he can't handle his work. But it felt like a good conversation.
Helluva road this. I would rather not be on it, but as I am, here we go.
*Uh-oh
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 11:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 03:05 pm (UTC)I am amazed at how well your subconscious understands what's going on in the material world.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 12:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-18 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-19 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 07:03 am (UTC)