Walking into Rooms
Jan. 20th, 2025 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootToday's session went a little differently. Having taken my jumper and bra off, I walked into the radiation room with only the usual bit of modesty paper across my chest. There was a man. I stared at him.
'Come on' said the usual radiographer indicating the bench I was going to lie on, 'up you come.'
The male nurse looked completely unconcerned and bustled around. I just stared at him.
'Is this a problem?' said the radiographer. I looked from him to her and back again, pathetic bit of paper held tight, and an old problem returning fast. I do not like to be with unknown men in physically vulnerable situations. It was difficult enough with the surgeon, though after nearly punching him and cursing him to Hell when he did the biopsy, we reached a mutual understanding. I understood that I had to be a gracious grown-up and he understood that I am half woman half bobcat. I think I actually hissed at him. It was not a great day.
Today, nothing went through my head at all. Utter silence, phenomenal given my usual internal chatterings. Afterwards I would be embarrassed at this mute moment, the way I couldn't explain myself. But there and then there was nothing in my head. I just stared at him.
'I'll go, no problem,' said the male nurse, very tactfully not looking across at me. I nodded. I never had a problem with male nurses before, so why now? He left the room and I went and lay down. They covered me in the usual arcane sigils and the treatment happened. When it was done, I decided to speak to the radiographers about it.
Not that I got much chance.
'We understand,' she said, 'it's a situation that makes many women feel very vulnerable and unsafe and...'
Right there my sharpness returned, and I had to bite my thoughts back behind my tongue: if many woman feel this way, why don't you check with them before bringing them into a room with some random guy in it? Suppose I had run screaming? Instead, I mentioned the long ago thing and asked her to ensure the nurse didn't feel this was some slight regarding his being or place in the profession. She said that was no problem at all and she would add appropriate notes.
As we drove home I became more and more sleepy, trying to think about the day and how it reminded me of that time I was with friends and we were all standing on these strange white and speckled leaves that lay thick on the ground. Then I realised this memory wasn't mine. It never happened. I never knew those people, I had never seen those leaves let alone stood on them.
There's something else lurking too, but my eyes won't stay open. It's not even 5 yet I must sleep right now.
'Come on' said the usual radiographer indicating the bench I was going to lie on, 'up you come.'
The male nurse looked completely unconcerned and bustled around. I just stared at him.
'Is this a problem?' said the radiographer. I looked from him to her and back again, pathetic bit of paper held tight, and an old problem returning fast. I do not like to be with unknown men in physically vulnerable situations. It was difficult enough with the surgeon, though after nearly punching him and cursing him to Hell when he did the biopsy, we reached a mutual understanding. I understood that I had to be a gracious grown-up and he understood that I am half woman half bobcat. I think I actually hissed at him. It was not a great day.
Today, nothing went through my head at all. Utter silence, phenomenal given my usual internal chatterings. Afterwards I would be embarrassed at this mute moment, the way I couldn't explain myself. But there and then there was nothing in my head. I just stared at him.
'I'll go, no problem,' said the male nurse, very tactfully not looking across at me. I nodded. I never had a problem with male nurses before, so why now? He left the room and I went and lay down. They covered me in the usual arcane sigils and the treatment happened. When it was done, I decided to speak to the radiographers about it.
Not that I got much chance.
'We understand,' she said, 'it's a situation that makes many women feel very vulnerable and unsafe and...'
Right there my sharpness returned, and I had to bite my thoughts back behind my tongue: if many woman feel this way, why don't you check with them before bringing them into a room with some random guy in it? Suppose I had run screaming? Instead, I mentioned the long ago thing and asked her to ensure the nurse didn't feel this was some slight regarding his being or place in the profession. She said that was no problem at all and she would add appropriate notes.
As we drove home I became more and more sleepy, trying to think about the day and how it reminded me of that time I was with friends and we were all standing on these strange white and speckled leaves that lay thick on the ground. Then I realised this memory wasn't mine. It never happened. I never knew those people, I had never seen those leaves let alone stood on them.
There's something else lurking too, but my eyes won't stay open. It's not even 5 yet I must sleep right now.
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Date: 2025-01-21 01:05 pm (UTC)