Antonio and a Warning

[smokingboot]

My problem with choking on food was not solved by the endoscopy I had in England years ago, but that doesn't stop the NHS from trying again up here, because apparently no one knows where my pre Scotland records are. So today I went in, they sprayed my throat, tried to shove a tube into the pipework via my mouth, everyone shouted instructions at me and tilted my head, my body, my shoulders in various directions. Impossible to stop gagging, they couldn't get the tube down. Cue my embarrassment and everyone telling me not to be embarrassed. They want to make another appointment, this time to include sedation. Trouble with that is that I must have someone with me throughout, as it means 24 hours worth of being bad at stuff like walking and staying awake. Anyway, I got out, nearly crying with frustration and, that word again, embarrassment, R brought me home, fed me ice cream, and I decided that really all I need to do is control my gag reflex, chew more slowly, I'll be fine, sure as hell not going back for this horrible stupid pointless procedure.

Mum's been so quiet recently, I was almost surprised when she phoned tonight. She had some sad news for me.
Long ago there was a guy who married the sister of my uncle. All the men were drinking buddies together. Antonio was congenial and extremely popular, with long lashes and eyes that genuinely seemed to twinkle. He was ridiculously funny, so affable that even when my father started to lose the plot this guy was able to coax him into genial temper. Admittedly this was accompanied by more booze but hey, welcome to the 70s. I remember seeing him on the Night of the Three Kings, a man of laughter playing King Melchior and handing out presents, not so much wearing the white beard as trapped under it. He wandered round like a short but bejewelled avalanche.

Mum said he was showing signs of dementia recently, and then suddenly none of that mattered. Just after new year he died.

Of choking.

Rest in peace Antonio. You fly high now, merry as you always were.

And yes, OK, I'll go back for endoscopy attempt number 3.

Comments

[thatjustwontbreak]

Ugh I feel for you. Swallowing is so hard to figure out. Fingers crossed that the third time does it.

He wandered round like a short but bejewelled avalanche. Gorgeous description.

[velrist]

For what it's worth, my endoscopy with just the spray was one of the most brutal medical things I've had to go through. I heartily recommend sedation, yes you'll be a bit sleepy but after a body shock like that it's not a bad thing. I had sedation for my ERCP which involved an endoscopy but with surgical stuff on top and I can barely remember the procedure, I was absolutely fine the next morning.

I can *still* remember the throat spray one, even down to the pain where I felt the instruments go around a turn in my stomach, the retching, the crying and wanting to vomit for the entire 6 minute procedure. I thought sedation and the pain of needing to get over the sedation would be way worse than just toughing it out with the spray and I was really quite wrong. Obviously my experience will be different to yours but please take care of yourself love.

[smokingboot]

I am sorry you had to go through all that! But thank you for telling me about it, you makes me feel less... ashamed or something, for not being able to do it. You help me get over this feeling of being silly. I read your reply a few times, it brings tears to my eyes to think of you in such difficulties.But what you say helps me so much. So thank you for that, and for your utter kindness.

I wish you gentle and excellent health. ❤️❤️❤️

[smokingboot]

It's crazy isn't it? Who knew swallowing could be so difficult?

And thank you for your kind words re the description of Antonio, I like to think of him this way!

[thisnewday]

I've had this procedure done twice.

The first time was without anesthesia. I was told to sit on the edge of the examination table and to SIT ON MY HANDS!

Then my throat was sprayed and I was intubated, pretty much as you described. As you know, it was an awful experience, but I somehow got through it.

The second time was several years later. When I was told that I would be anesthetized for the procedure, I described my earlier experience and mentioned how my then-doctor had said that anesthesia was unnecessary.

My new doc just looked at me and said, "He was able to say that because he'd never had it done to him."

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this and sincerely hope that a way may be found to offer you the more humane and, yes, more medically effective option.