smokingboot

Phone call from my mother this morning, asking if we had recovered from the burglary. Everything started so well and then...*

Mother: So are you completely over it? Completely and totally?
Me: Yes..it's hard to stay worried when the property's all recovered.
Mother: Never mind the property. Suppose he wants to come back and hurt you?
Me: He's going away for over 3 years, Mum.
Mother: Still, people are odd. Suppose he comes back? How did he get in? Which door did you leave unlocked?
Me: The back.
Mother. Well. This is the second time you've done this. Some wisdom must be learned.
Me: Mum, the first time wasn't me, we were just unl - look, never mind, I promise to lock the back door in three years time when he returns for his blood spattered vendetta.
Mother: The back eh? That's a bit odd. And what did he take from your handbag?
Me: Some receipts. He left the cards.
Mother: Well, that's not normal is it?
Me: Apparently his plan would be to shift stuff quickly, and he wouldn't be able to use the cards.
Mother: Yes they can. They have a special thing they put on top of the cashpoint, an electronic device, and then they just put in numbers and they do it.
Me: Well, I don't know, maybe specialist card thieves but some idiot just grabbing stuff for drugs is hardly -
Mother: No, anybody can use your card. They aren't specialists, they all do it.
Me:If that's so, how come our bank accounts are still full? How come anybody's bank account is still full?
Mother: I don't know. It's just odd. And the police have kept...
Me: The mobile and the laptop. I think it's seven days or something.
Mother: Why?
Me: (floundering) Don't know. Evidence?
Mother: That's just not normal. When I had my bag stolen, the police gave it back to me as soon as they had it.
Me: Mother, it's perfectly normal. For god's sake, stop making everything sound so sinister.
Mother: I'm not making anything sound like anything, I am just asking out of curiosity, but I still think it isn't normal. It doesn't matter to me. It's not as though there's anything about me on that laptop so why should I care? But I know what normal is and that isn't.
Me: Yes it is!
Mother: ...And actually, you aren't sounding normal now.
Me: I'm not normal now, I'm wound up. I'm sorry, I know I should be more patient, but -
Mother: I think we should end this conversation. Clearly something odd is going on.

It's my fault for having told her in the first place.

*paraphrased, for the sake of my sanity.