2000 years later...

I just turned on the tv to see a Homepride bowlerhat/bucketface man rendered from a tiny 70's ad graphic into a six foot tall kitchen diva terrorising staff and by-standers with his demands for perfect instant sauces. This was quickly followed by a raddled, plucked and I suspect octagenarian Julie Walters pretending to be Santa's pixie p.a wandering the hallowed halls of Asda. In a desperate bid to breathe animation into Tom Hanks, some fool has turned Tom Hanks into animation, nor can one look to music for escape; the ooze issuing from every pore of MTV is forming itself into a snowflake and reindeer sweater round the television.

Welcome to Christmas. Admission's free, you pay to get out.