Cat Twerking

After a gorgeous weekend, do I settle down to write about how the wood is full of bluebells? Of sunny friends and cupcakes and beer and good times? Or shall I comment instead on the current hideous behaviour of our tom cat Ralik? Guess.

Thing is, he shouldn't be a real tom anymore, he was sorted very early in his life. Even then there was some riddle about it - a neighbour claiming she had seen him canoodling with her pet, and now had a litter of kittens to show for it, his weekend long disappearing acts, and come a fine day, his habit of chasing our other cats around the garden and occasionally biting them. But he has never been...well fruity. Until now. Since his return from the wood, he can only be described as full of the joys of Spring.

Not that he wants to share his passion with a lady cat, oh no. No, he wants to shag our sheepskin rug. He has always kneaded it with his paws, which is fairly standard cat behaviour, but now he has started twerking his little butt and twitching his tail. It's a futile endeavour, as he never ejaculates and the rug remains thankfully free of feline jism. He just jerks, twerks, and purrs, after which he sticks his leg in the air, presents his tiny pink penis (almost fluorescent against his black fur) and licks it with what can only be described as fastidious attention to detail.

And he always does it when the same guests are around.

They were here yesterday. He did it three times during their stay, right in front of them. I don't know what is wrong with him. Thank god he didn't do it while we were eating.

But I don't get it, he's been done, going on 10 years. What on earth is this all about? I have heard of horses being gelded when one testicle hasn't dropped (Rigs they're called). The remaining testicle is interior and the sperm temperature renders the horse infertile. Could something similar occur with cats?

I've got no explanations, just a mysteriously horny cat, and some very patient guests...