Of Weddings

There's an episode of Friends where Monica, neurotic controllesse par excellence, describes how little girls dream their whole lives of this one big day; it seems they organise it to the nth degree, and know how every detail should be; they know exactly the setting, the kind of dress, the favours, everything. This obsession appears to start at birth, intensifies on contact with dolls, toys and other friends, hits fever pitch at the onset of puberty and after that builds into a kind of continuous intensity capable of lasting a lifetime. I never had anything like this. Never wanted to be married per se, had no vision, no template. So now I am stuck. Who is Boot the Bride?

In traditional dreams of The Big Day, the groom is just the face of eternal love and acceptance. All they have to do is turn up. But this is for us, not for me alone, and I have no real idea of how to approach what society tells me is meant to be some kind of personal pinnacle, a triumph of me-ness. I have seen dozens of weddings, each lovely in their way. But I can't visualise much about mine. Still, we have a couple of years to work it out...

I am in awe though, of the pink misted, kissyfisted soft-veiled bank breaking unashamed money grab of the industry. I have never been cash conscious - I spent too much when I had it, and nothing much when I didn't have it. We all have our messes, but wealthworry isn't one of mine, and I would never feel guilty about spending money on something I enjoy. Still, there is something slightly bizarre in the magical expansion of 00s that occurs around any price, from venues to dresses to shoes to bits of paper, the instant the word 'wedding' is added. Guess the idea is that if we are truly in love we will be ready to bankrupt our future together in order to prove it. Or am I being a sour puss?

A destination wedding would suit me best, except we would lose the company of many we love. I would love us to just hire a youth hostel for a weekend, but it's not easy to find one in the right part of the country for guests who would rather make their escapes than bunk down. larians family have been wonderfully supportive, even down to offering their gorgeous garden for a marquee and camping...which could be stunningly beautiful, nestled between Dartmoor and Exmoor. Of course, that's a lot of people to have on your doorstep, and I worry about weather.

Right now, after gazing at the abundance of castles, palaces, country houses, golf clubs, tipi sites and 'blank canvas' venues (many of which end up more expensive than the local manors once you add everything) I find myself drawn back to the idea of a London ceremony at one of the capital's pretty registry offices, followed by an excellent party, and a honeymoon in Africa. London weddings can be chichi charmimg without costing the earth, but London party venue? suddenly we are looking at mega prices and hassle again...

Of course,my ideas will change many times over the next two years. Perhaps Monica was right. If I'd planned this when I was nine, it would all be sorted by now.