Leaving it behind

Never mind the Hitler Youth, it's the Hitler Middle-Aged I'm worried about. Raging with disappointment at Cameron, raging with anger at the whole backsliding world for not hating deeply enough, imagining new cuts and new slights that must come to pass out of this maddening compassion... they howl like Screwtape at the escape of a soul, albeit less coherently.

A tiny weakness of my own has been flagged up. Mine is a tendency to give extra credit to those who have talent. There's a woman of my long term acquaintance, an artist of some ability. We have never really got on as she's a little tense, a little twitchy, a little precise, and the sheer messiness of me as a concept, never mind as a person, grates on her. What can I say? Some people are just not made to be close friends. Still, I try to treat her gently because we have both been on the scene for a long time, and there's always her work. And that's the weakness! She can paint well, so my tendency is to assume she can't be a complete ninny, because I'm in awe of anyone who creates physical beauty. Her loveliest painting is one of her favourite goddess, based it on an idealised version of herself ...I guess many would paint their faces on a tiny corner of heaven if they could. It just makes me smile a little.

Anyway, she has blaarted uncontrollably all over social media, claiming that Aylan's Kurdi's family died because his dad wanted to get his teeth fixed, and she verified* this bizarre angle on the matter by linking to an extreme right-wing website. I waded through the mountain of rubbish to see what she is on about, and spent a couple of hours of my life I'll never get back trying not to believe the worst of her. Would I have bothered if I didn't think that somehow she must be all right really cos she's an artist? Seems she's not the only idiot in school. That'll larn me.

I've been up since 5.30. Never used to be an early riser really, but now I quite it. Big Cat Dervish came in from outside, her fur all cool. She's a bit too chubby, but it's not because she doesn't exercise. She does, more than the rest of them, but she also hoovers up every morsel she comes across.

I'm sorry that this week has been so full of horrid news, and that my health has been so low. But there's something still and beautiful in the hours around sunrise. Nice feeling.


*I use the term loosely.

Missing things

Forgot about the Dadd exhibition at the Watts Gallery, too ill to work, can't go to the Carshalton Jack today... I've had this for about a week. Doctor calls it a viral flu. They have given me a prescription for penicillin, but asked me to give it another week before taking it, see if the thing goes away by itself. Apparently it can hang around for 3 weeks or so. It's making my life so miserable.

Still, between re-reading Poly Olbion and tweets from #nexttokimdavis, today is amusing in a don't move or die coughing sort of way. I hope my mates in Carshalton don't think badly of me for crying off.