The Terrible Chihuahua Story

Back at Balans with a friend who's been out of the mix since his relationship broke up; These two were the joint hosts of the terrible dinner party I described a few months back.http://smokingboot.livejournal.com/637867.html Now, less bruised and far more ready to face the world, he asked me to join him and some chums down Soho way for a brew and a meal. Turned out to be cocktails care of a gloriously flirtatious waiter, sporting an Italian combination of  blonde locks, green eyes and hairy chest, as he obligingly demonstrated to us, even though we never asked.He loved wedding talk, and discussed his own fantasy do under a tree full of fairy lights in a Tuscan vineyard.I was spoilt in that attentive way some guys seem to manage perfectly, this ability to dote without being creepy or expecting  payback,and the cocktails flowed and the wine flowed faster, and the talk moved on to mutual friends.

One such was the cabaret entertainer last mentioned in the Dinner of Doom. Said entertainer started his own dog-sitting business,and two customers entrusted him with their chihuahua when they went on holiday. Now it transpired that the entertainer wasn't just going to sit at home with said chihuahua, oh no... so he went to visit my friend, who was living in Hoxton at the time, and took the chihuahua with him. Said chihuahua sat in a corner looking very nervous while my friend cooked some dinner. The entertainer/carer decided to go get some wine, but chose not to take the dog with him. The dog grew even more nervous when he was away, and the kitchen door swung open,at which point  the poor little thing went crazy and jettisoned itself  out onto the road,straight under the wheels of an oncoming car. At least it was immediate. At this point, one chum stared,said, 'Well, I'm going home,' and disappeared. My friend however, ran up to the corpse, and was flapping his hands wailing, when the carer returned, just in time to need no explanation. He took a bus back with the dead dog in a Tesco carrier bag,put it in the freezer, bought a bunch of flowers and a nice box,and presented the dog,  complete with these accoutrements,  to the owners on their  return. They were not impressed and stung him for £700. His dog-sitting business ended shortly thereafter.

The entertainer is now deeply embroiled with my friend's ex. I am waiting to see what disaster will befall next,  a falling piano crushing their blooming love perhaps, or  a polar bear stalking them up the Thames and devouring one of them outside the O2.Something will go wrong, because slapstick disaster is in their nature. As long as they don't take friends or beasties with them, all that's left is to watch the show and commend the waiter.

RIP little dog X

The Friendly Society

When we had got over wedding talk and tragic chihuahuas,we popped into the Friendly Society for a drink, It was interesting enough:



Friend is the son of a card-carrying full on old skool pinko who voted out. She had explained her reasons to me earlier... Basically it came down to a) fighting capitalism by splitting it into chunks rather than trying to deal with one vast oligarchal empire and b) letting capitalism eat itself to the extent that it would be totally discredited in the eyes of its victims who would finally be able to commit emotionally and whole-heartedly to a more communal approach to global society.

Which sounds great, but we are back at eggs and omelettes. The problem with destroying the evil empire is that no empire is ever completely evil. Someone somewhere is looking after their family, building a home, running a  hospital, putting out a fire,  and when the empire falls those things fall too. Of course such things can be replaced, but the interim is seldom pleasant; added to which, the ones bound to escape are inevitably those who did well through the old order. So come the revolution, they are rich enough to be safe and safe enough to re-establish the methods that made them rich.  Gotterdammerung never takes all the gods.

He agreed, but bless her commie soul she wasn't having any of his persuasion. So there it is.

How the Left can be biting its own arse at this major low in Conservative popularity beats me. I am not sure Jezzah's views aren't as Marx-meets-the-Apocalypse  as friend's mum, but the party is truly hapless if it can't make hay now. And as for the hollow-eyed women now preparing to Out-Thatcher Thatcher, I am indeed a feminist and it delights me to see the world turn our way...To get women to a place of power and self determination is the struggle, but the battle for equality is only ever won when the job goes to the best person for it, irrespective of their gender.  I don't want  a world where my genitals are seen as an extra qualification or disqualification. I want a world where they're just genitals.