Vanity

Trying to find anything my mother and I can discuss without bumping into covid conspiracies, I went for beauty as a subject that endlessly engrosses her.

Without make-up I have a pretty forgettable moon face, however, got to say that I was maybe a little pleased with my skin; pores too big but for someone approaching their 59th birthday, it could be a lot worse. So I sent a photo of myself, make up free, to Mum. Her response is so classic, it's worth recording:


'Now about your face, the skin is good you haven't got lines or creases on it but I think I prefer to see you with make-up so if not today from tomorrow wear makeup, look at wearing make-up like washing your teeth and do it every day after you wash your teeth.'

Adorable, darling, now cover it up!

Never darken my doors with this au naturale nonsense again!

Bless her, she can't help it. And anyway she is right. There might have been a way to express this that made me feel less like the Monster of Glamis, but she genuinely meant well. More important, she made me laugh for the first time in over a week.