Ridiculous

Another dream, another reference to NOF.

This is so weird, three in a row. Why now?

And it was not nearly so nice a dream as the other two. In it, friends were telling me that he was holding a street party for his baby daughter, and he wanted to ensure I wasn't there. I shrugged off the info, because not only did I have no clue where his party was, I didn't know where I was, so had no way of either avoiding or bumping into his group. It did occur to me that with a very little effort I could work out my location and the rest would be easy, and caught myself shifting into 13th Fairy mode. After all he could only worry about this if he was holding a party on my territory which would pretty much be begging for the wrong kind of attention. Then it occurred to me that some might fear me putting the evil eye on the little one, a thing I would never do. It was all ridiculous, my inner Maleficent faded away and I laughed at my own delusions, then went and had a shower. Dream showers are not as good as real showers but they do the trick.

Why is this person turning up in my head so much? He is a complex symbol in my dream lexicon, but the most general is trouble, emotional upset, and there is a lot of this around me right now. Some connects into my condition but a lot doesn't. Some concerns people I care about and in each case I have no power to fix any of it. No dream there, just helpless flailing.

I got my scans and records from the NHS yesterday. The ones from England appear to be lost(!), but when it comes to the ones re lumpy, some interesting photos and commentary. Apparently I appeared to be extremely nervous with high anxiety levels. I don't think I was any more nervous than anyone else who had just been told they have breast cancer, I just wasn't blithely walking into Mrs Lovett's pie shop. I have severe trypanophobia and won't be shamed for that. I do not owe one single person some BS attempt at stoicism.

And this is why I had my cross dreams, this is why I suddenly feel all sharkish and ready to have a go if someone fancies, even though nobody does! I am annoyed, just a bit. Apparently one charming radiographer/ sonographer wrote that 'prolonged explanation and discussion' was required to get me to consent (this did not come from the surgeon who is reassuringly brusque and clear). My own response goes along the lines of It'll be as prolonged as I need, madam. This is the NHS, I'm the patient and if you're too important to explain yourself, tag someone else in to do it cos I'm the one who pays your bills. Her name is noted. She'll not have a great day if we meet again.

My husband does point out to me that I am a terrible patient. He says this is because after an operation there's about one day when I lie there quiet, and then apparently I am cross because I am Not Yet Well.
He may have a point. I am ridiculous, but for all my ridiculousness I am feeling better.