smokingboot

And not a chap in sight.

So, because this weird headspace I am in isn't fragile enough, I went to see Brokeback Mountain last night.

There's only one film I have seen that was good but so painful I could never watch it again, and that was Brazil. Now I may have to add another. I will have it on dvd, next to The Piano for nights when I need to be alone, and slow my heartbeat right down. Brokeback Mountain hurts me to watch it.

I wonder if it will be less painful shrunk down to TV viewing; sounds silly but part of the pain of it comes down to this beautiful huge backdrop of Wyoming, and the terrible tiny boxes of the lives beneath. And I got fooled you see; I trembled at the intensity of the love making (with only a momentary 'Lubeless, I don't think that's quite the noise he'd be making' when Heath Ledger approaches the moment of truth like a mighty bed buffalo)Ledger was so good in this, so astonishingly inarticulate, and there is one moment when the light shines on Jake Gyggenhall's face when I could just stop the film and stare for a good 5 minutes. He's not beautiful, but they are, it is. And I believed they'd make it, from the first moment I saw them together I believed in the hope of the two raddled old ranchers mentioned by Delmar (Ledger) so I spent the film wracked with pain and beauty and the terrible lesson of time.

With thanks to

deadmandancing for a great evening. Here's to tonight and dancing and grabbing love while you can.