The Jitters

[smokingboot]

Here I am again, back and nervous.

The reason I am going to Spain is to see Mum, who is quite ill. I have taken a short film of myself in my wedding dress etc,so that she can advise me on it - her taste re beauty/clothes can be very elegant - not that she doesn't have her duff moments, but she generally knows her stuff, and as she won't come to the wedding, this will give her a chance to see the gubbins.

But suddenly I am really worried that she is going to be critical, of my figure, of my hair, of the dress itself.I am losing weight nicely at the moment - not so quickly as to make my face look drawn, not too slowly for my hopes of the day - but Mum is a natural stick insect, and enjoys the interesting state of mind where she can tut at my size ('Fat Fingers,' she told me, 'And there is far too much going on here ,' - waving dismissively at my chest) while insisting on feeding me churros and chocolate til I can't move.

But I have to steel up for the possibility that  she will call my dress ugly/ tells me blankly that she doesn't like it, She has always despaired of my lack of good clothes sense. Right now, I feel a bit vulnerable about it - on some level, if she says it's ugly, little girl me will believe her -  plus she'll do her nut when she realises I am on antibiotics, cos she has a mega-thing about sickness. Her answer to my melanoma was to put a plaster on it.

This is really silly, I realise as I write these words. The more I think, the more I don't want to go, which is truly lightweight.  It is time to pull myself together and go get my money changed.

Comments

[jul1et.livejournal.com]

wise lady is wise....just sayin'

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

She is. And you are too XXX