Our fathers
Sep. 30th, 2017 03:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootVery old friends have contacted me, way out of the past.
They remember my mother and father, our early family...Dad was their parents' best man.
This guy, who was sort of Dad's best friend, was like Dad only more shrewd with money. He earned less but he built more, though he never reached Dad's price ticket. Both of them drank like fish, smoked, had multiple adventures and shenanigans...both of them did just what they pleased for most of their lives, and both died in 2015.
This guy told my mother he would like to sleep with her just to see what she looked like messed up. My mother's refusal was so lofty and pointed that though he laughed, he was stung enough never to speak to her in such a way again.
He told me I was ugly a lot, seemingly genuine in his surprise that I should have two good looking parents yet be such a minger. It hurt me, but I never had much time for him, and anyway what could I do about it? Besides, everyone thought I was ugly, some fat old man stinking of nicotine wasn't going to tip the scales any further. Even my hypersensitivity had limits.
But the conversation today made me think of these men, our fathers, crazy cowboys of the 70s who made their way in the world, earned fortunes that their parents would have considered beyond imagination... and were just really appalling to their families. Obviously they came from little kindness and very real poverty - or at least, I know my dad did -But by god they made up for it, they made money and married gorgeous women and had kids who adored them, and they squandered love like they squandered the fortunes they made. They were adventurers, gambling men, entrepeneurs... the kind of friends who will help you find a good time, but might get you killed on the way.
Old friends would like to meet. It will be lovely. But first I will let this curious feeling fade; it's a bit like pain. Not much, but enough to make me wait a while.
They remember my mother and father, our early family...Dad was their parents' best man.
This guy, who was sort of Dad's best friend, was like Dad only more shrewd with money. He earned less but he built more, though he never reached Dad's price ticket. Both of them drank like fish, smoked, had multiple adventures and shenanigans...both of them did just what they pleased for most of their lives, and both died in 2015.
This guy told my mother he would like to sleep with her just to see what she looked like messed up. My mother's refusal was so lofty and pointed that though he laughed, he was stung enough never to speak to her in such a way again.
He told me I was ugly a lot, seemingly genuine in his surprise that I should have two good looking parents yet be such a minger. It hurt me, but I never had much time for him, and anyway what could I do about it? Besides, everyone thought I was ugly, some fat old man stinking of nicotine wasn't going to tip the scales any further. Even my hypersensitivity had limits.
But the conversation today made me think of these men, our fathers, crazy cowboys of the 70s who made their way in the world, earned fortunes that their parents would have considered beyond imagination... and were just really appalling to their families. Obviously they came from little kindness and very real poverty - or at least, I know my dad did -But by god they made up for it, they made money and married gorgeous women and had kids who adored them, and they squandered love like they squandered the fortunes they made. They were adventurers, gambling men, entrepeneurs... the kind of friends who will help you find a good time, but might get you killed on the way.
Old friends would like to meet. It will be lovely. But first I will let this curious feeling fade; it's a bit like pain. Not much, but enough to make me wait a while.
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Date: 2017-10-01 11:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-10-03 01:15 pm (UTC)