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smokingbootI just had a chat with a wonderful chum, talking about relationships. Chum hates the way he looks and doesn't see how anyone could find him attractive. Now, two of the most eligible bachelorettes of our mutual acquaintance are currently free of encumberance, and he is wistful, wondering, interested in a very timid way.
Bless him, he hasn't looked at a girl in five years; now he notices two, and they are both beautiful voracious tigresses, way out of his league! One loves dark, menacing goths, the other, eclectic ravers/artists and sundry sex maniacs. They need flash and passion, the kind of hunger that wakes at midnight and doesn't stop till dawn. My chum is the sort of person who makes you luscious tomato soup and enormous sugary comfort cakes when you are down.
He's a great guy and there are women out there for him. But he's very inexperienced and bashful and he flirts like I cook.
So what do I say? 'You're lovely but you need to change your clothes, you need to get enough sex for it not to matter, you need to know what you're doing, you need to stop being so self conscious, you need to chill, you need to smile, you need to flirt, for goodness' sake. How hard can it be?'
OK, scrub that last bit. I really don't want to know how hard it is.
The inevitable answer to my genial harangue is; 'If they don't like me as I am, what's the point?'
And it's true. But flirting is fun. People want to be desired by the most desireable - or they want to chase said icon over the hills and far away, and never catch them. They want to play.
You can be entranced, you can jive in headspace and spark off each other, you can cruise along on that vicarious sense of sexual tension, you can laugh, you can tease, you can appreciate, you can be insincere, you can be just having a laugh (my inevitable flirtmode) but you can't need.
The moment you need it, you've either blown the game, or it is time to put away one persona and pull out another, whether it's love slave or sexual predator or whatever. What you can't do is gaze at your pitiful self and wish you were lucky, cos nobody wants the grateful.
This gentle dreamer doesn't know the rules of the game, doesn't even get the idea that 98% of it is just a game, and the best way to enjoy it (and guarantee success) is not to take it seriously. For all this comes with relaxing, and relaxing comes after success. Catch 22 and all that.
I have no idea what to say to my chum.
Bless him, he hasn't looked at a girl in five years; now he notices two, and they are both beautiful voracious tigresses, way out of his league! One loves dark, menacing goths, the other, eclectic ravers/artists and sundry sex maniacs. They need flash and passion, the kind of hunger that wakes at midnight and doesn't stop till dawn. My chum is the sort of person who makes you luscious tomato soup and enormous sugary comfort cakes when you are down.
He's a great guy and there are women out there for him. But he's very inexperienced and bashful and he flirts like I cook.
So what do I say? 'You're lovely but you need to change your clothes, you need to get enough sex for it not to matter, you need to know what you're doing, you need to stop being so self conscious, you need to chill, you need to smile, you need to flirt, for goodness' sake. How hard can it be?'
OK, scrub that last bit. I really don't want to know how hard it is.
The inevitable answer to my genial harangue is; 'If they don't like me as I am, what's the point?'
And it's true. But flirting is fun. People want to be desired by the most desireable - or they want to chase said icon over the hills and far away, and never catch them. They want to play.
You can be entranced, you can jive in headspace and spark off each other, you can cruise along on that vicarious sense of sexual tension, you can laugh, you can tease, you can appreciate, you can be insincere, you can be just having a laugh (my inevitable flirtmode) but you can't need.
The moment you need it, you've either blown the game, or it is time to put away one persona and pull out another, whether it's love slave or sexual predator or whatever. What you can't do is gaze at your pitiful self and wish you were lucky, cos nobody wants the grateful.
This gentle dreamer doesn't know the rules of the game, doesn't even get the idea that 98% of it is just a game, and the best way to enjoy it (and guarantee success) is not to take it seriously. For all this comes with relaxing, and relaxing comes after success. Catch 22 and all that.
I have no idea what to say to my chum.
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drink!
Date: 2004-08-17 07:36 am (UTC)Flirting
Date: 2004-08-17 08:06 am (UTC)Personally in the right company I find It harmless fun.
Re: Flirting
Date: 2004-08-17 08:44 am (UTC)It is harmless fun in the right company...and sometimes very amusing in the wrong company!
Re: drink!
Date: 2004-08-17 08:45 am (UTC)Not that I'm complaining, you understand...
Re: Flirting
Date: 2004-08-17 08:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-17 09:20 am (UTC)Any discussion of this subject is going to get me into trouble.
See ?
Re: drink!
Date: 2004-08-19 09:27 am (UTC)