Bro

[smokingboot]

Contacted me. He wants to meet up and 'short circuit' all the awful stuff that happened. He wants reconciliation.

This is such a massive thing for him to do and say, I totally want to say yes, I completely want to encourage him in such a healthy and difficult thing to do, and I miss him. I want us to be friends.

But I can't go through the argument again. It has to end, it has to not exist anymore. My relationship with him is like walking through a big green field; 9 times out of 10 it's fine, the 10th time it's a shooting range. You never know which time it is until you walk across.

He thinks I am monstrously strong, but I'm honestly the normal one, or the one trying to be normal. It's not strength, monstrous or otherwise. I am just that kid who wants a daisy bright day:
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

I so want us to be friends, but I don't want to go through this ever again.

And I will work out a way to do this. But for now, I can't carry on reading and writing, not least because my laptop's going kaput and maybe I am too.

Time to return to this tomorrow.