So that's that

[smokingboot]

Well, it was a short interesting break... Very absorbing. In fact, that's the problem. I have so much to do, a friend's project feels like a great holiday, and it would be easy to go full tunnel vision on it, just power through to the deadline... But the longer one stays, the more one invests and that has problems of its own. Also, there are, shall we say, a few recurring themes I recognise. Meanwhile, my work sits there looking neglected, and I really need this sorted, so onward!

***

Another choking episode last night; it feels serious when it happens. I honestly don't know if I am just eating too hastily or what's going on but it's pretty horrible. Suddenly there's a big lump of food in my throat and I cannot get rid of it. Last time the ambulance crowd recommended coke, so now we always keep some in the house, but it just wouldn't go down at all. I was a mess. Then suddenly it worked...

It sounds like nothing but I was in a proper state of shock for the rest of the night. I can't work out whether I need the doctor, or if I just need to calm the hell down and chew my food properly.

I've long suspected that when I go, it'll be connected to my respiratory system; possibly because this was the issue that plagued my childhood, and partly because it's how so many people go. They don't call Pneumonia the old folks' friend for nothing.

Still, consciously fighting for breath is horrible.

It makes me think of the Coronavirus. Of course, Mum is desperate for masks but to her despair, no-one in Granada is wearing them yet, despite there being a case in Seville. I'm not mocking too loudly, she's in her 80s. But for me, I feel all right, and there's that fatalism I can't quite let go of; that belief that there's a day. You fight anyway, you do the right stuff, you keep fit or wash your hands or whatever, but still, there's a day.

I apply this to myself, but not to others; then it's about living for as long as possible, healthy and happy, and f*ck fate. Our health workers have been f*cking fate forever. Respect for their efforts, always.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

From how you've described it here, it sounds as though what you're experiencing is a laryngospasm. Laryngospasms are often associated with reflux. Did you experience a feeling like heartburn before the episode? Laryngospasms are also associated with allergies, asthma, and stress.