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smokingbootWork this morning, solid, chunky. Better.
Astonished by certain friends; one has presented a recipe for a New World Order that reads like the stoned conversation of Mustapha Mond and Pasha Antipov Strelnikov, O'Brien smirking in the background because he knows none of this could come to pass without him.
Saying almost nothing because I must use my time and energy constructively, as I have done today. Now I can blow off a moment's steam at the self loathing spattering the webwaves. One of the benefits of a Catholic background (OK, part Catholic, part Von Daniken) is that one must accept a healthy face-off with guilt and get to grips with what one is/is not responsible for. It helps. It keeps one robust and honest, or at least honest about one's dishonesty.
Walk in the little reserve thing, got a bit lost. No litter, no people, no noise! Discoveries, some that are hard to convey in delight here; a little mini avenue of young birches, I think, branches meeting overhead, yellow gorse and purple scabious, woods full of ferns big enough to hide in, and a patch of what seemed like mini strawberry flowers tumbling down a ledge; a huge mushroom growing out of dead wood, which surprised me given the time of year.
The tiredness is still there, but I feel more alive. Tomorrow more of the same, and not another peek at editing till next week. Sometimes stopping work requires more discipline than staying at it.
Astonished by certain friends; one has presented a recipe for a New World Order that reads like the stoned conversation of Mustapha Mond and Pasha Antipov Strelnikov, O'Brien smirking in the background because he knows none of this could come to pass without him.
Saying almost nothing because I must use my time and energy constructively, as I have done today. Now I can blow off a moment's steam at the self loathing spattering the webwaves. One of the benefits of a Catholic background (OK, part Catholic, part Von Daniken) is that one must accept a healthy face-off with guilt and get to grips with what one is/is not responsible for. It helps. It keeps one robust and honest, or at least honest about one's dishonesty.
Walk in the little reserve thing, got a bit lost. No litter, no people, no noise! Discoveries, some that are hard to convey in delight here; a little mini avenue of young birches, I think, branches meeting overhead, yellow gorse and purple scabious, woods full of ferns big enough to hide in, and a patch of what seemed like mini strawberry flowers tumbling down a ledge; a huge mushroom growing out of dead wood, which surprised me given the time of year.
The tiredness is still there, but I feel more alive. Tomorrow more of the same, and not another peek at editing till next week. Sometimes stopping work requires more discipline than staying at it.
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Date: 2020-06-14 08:02 am (UTC)And with all this, there's no guarantee that the end result is any good.