Messages before waking

[smokingboot]

Brr.

A voice close to my ear, clear as if awake, so clear I thought I was awake.

'He's had an accident.'

Turning to look at R, he's fine, still asleep. Wondering if maybe our old tom has been incontinent; it happens very occasionally. I haven't checked the whole house yet.

I have heard a voice like this before, but it was screaming 'HE'S DEAD' in my ears when our tom had disappeared for 5 weeks. That's just nightmare, anxiety taking a brutal form. The great thing about

Bloody hell!

Three crows just landed outside my window, one yelling its head off! I go outside, milkman's left a 6 pack of eggs. They've smashed their way into it, and had a right go at all but one. The shouting crow is a fledgling I think, the other two its hassled looking parents. Talk about turning up at a portentous moment.

No loss to us really, bit of a mess. I've rescued the one and left the rest out there for them to finish off, will hose down the path later.

I was writing about a long ago nightmare moment, when my own terrors crystallised into sound and screamed me awake. This morning just a voice, calm, clear, very distinct. Both times its a male voice. I keep track because of the fam's history of mental illness. Schizophrenia is considered to have a genetic component, something like 13 % of children and 9% of siblings to schizophrenics develop the symptoms. The voices, it seems, never have pleasant things to say. The good thing about the screaming voice is that it lied, and I dare say the voice this morning lied too. Dreams are not always friends.

The crows though, they aren't lying. They bloody love those yokes.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

i will add here that I think if one is prone to these sorts of experiences, it's important to regularize one's life as much as possible—get adequate amounts of sleep, exercise, nutrition etc etc so that the boundary between what's real and what's in your head does not get blurred. Michael (Barbara's husband) tells me he's really careful aboout that.