Recovery dreams

[smokingboot]

We are both test clear and feeling immensely better. Just as well, if the physical discomfort was bad, the dreams were worse; a poltergeist pretending it liked me, though even that was intrusive, with ticklings and sinister strokes. I could almost see its hands but nothing else as it was always behind me. Then there was a group watching with HH in it. His eyes grew wide with horror as he and the others felt the spectral hands reach up to my throat and start strangling me.

That, right there, was the physical sensation manifesting in dream narrative, choking, gasping in my sleep, horrible.

Last night was much better. Long before I went to bed, my inner eye was detecting AM standing close by, smiling at me. It was a nice smile, which I would not have expected before her death, as she had no time for me. Sometimes it was almost like a cartoon of her, but it was pleasant. She was very happy at something.

Then came the dream; we were right at the beginning of the tour of a Scottish island. Before it officially started, we were taken to the mouth of a large cave or tunnel where you spoke/sang out into it, and a most curious echo would reply, taking what you had created, changing it, turning it around back at you. If you sang in one key, it would reply in another, or make the arrangement more complex. Before I tried, I noted on the wall, a tiny lizard scurry up the wall into the path of a large waiting spider which ate it. Then I tried to sing, my voice grown rusty and my never great ability to hold a note for long broken by covid. Back came the music anyway, changed and so different I wondered if there was just a singer down there randomly making any music they liked. There were indeed men in the tunnel, I could see them; but they were not the singer, not the echo.

Leaving that place, we went to change our clothes for the weather, found a small kitchen. Again, a spider on a coffee pot/kettle, big enough to cover one's hand. We asked the people there if they could remove it, and someone did, very gently. Someone gestured towards me with it in a kind of joke movement, like someone play-scaring you, but they carried it out kindly enough so that it was safe and we could pick up the pot without wearing the beastie on our knuckles.

I saw my ex smiling but I don't know why. Then there was a party with friends, one of whom was being a little unfriendly - stand offish more than anything - but she served us all a delicious wine that I could actually taste, which is more than I could say about anything in real life for the last 7 days. And then, before we had even started on the tour, I saw the water, filled with animals and birds on the tide, most of which I couldn't identify except for one, a sheep resting in a comedy canine position in the waves.

Bits and pieces, but so much more distinct than they have been, and not at all threatening. I give myself today to stagger around a bit and do very little, but tomorrow, time to work.