The Animal Engine
Sep. 27th, 2023 04:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootMeanwhile, because stress is clearly seeking me out today, Mum phoned. She phoned by accident. I could hear her having a conversation with someone who isn't there, gabbling on in that urgent way. She was talking about me.
I hate to hear this stuff, it's so creepy.
I yelled at her to stop and eventually she heard me.
'How did you know I was talking by phoning me? I was reading a book I was... how could you hear me talking?'
'You pressed a button by accident and phoned me.'
No I didn't. I tell you there is a hooligan in Granada who...'
'No no no no!' Because I can't listen to paranoid delusions about some persecutor dedicating their time to the ruin of every infinitesimally tiny aspect of her existence. It used to be some guy she claimed was a member of the Queen's Privy Council communicating via satellite; now it's some clever phone hacker in the city who gets off on messing with her via autoprompt, missing some keys, pressing others, and running her batteries flat.
'No no no no!' She imitated me back in a falsetto. I hung up. I shouldn't have to listen to more of the rubbish that ate her mind and destroyed huge chunks of our family life, and even if I should, that's just being rude. She's perfectly in control of her manners.
We knew that at some point she would have a cycle like this again, down she goes. We may have staved it off for a while so that it stopped being about monkey pox, but just because a crisis is real doesn't mean her response remains rational. She can't sustain that. I am not angry really, but neither can I deal, not now.
Maybe she will be over this tomorrow, I'll send her a message after my check with the surgeon. But I can't be her animal engine. If that's what it takes then today the mill's not moving.
I hate to hear this stuff, it's so creepy.
I yelled at her to stop and eventually she heard me.
'How did you know I was talking by phoning me? I was reading a book I was... how could you hear me talking?'
'You pressed a button by accident and phoned me.'
No I didn't. I tell you there is a hooligan in Granada who...'
'No no no no!' Because I can't listen to paranoid delusions about some persecutor dedicating their time to the ruin of every infinitesimally tiny aspect of her existence. It used to be some guy she claimed was a member of the Queen's Privy Council communicating via satellite; now it's some clever phone hacker in the city who gets off on messing with her via autoprompt, missing some keys, pressing others, and running her batteries flat.
'No no no no!' She imitated me back in a falsetto. I hung up. I shouldn't have to listen to more of the rubbish that ate her mind and destroyed huge chunks of our family life, and even if I should, that's just being rude. She's perfectly in control of her manners.
We knew that at some point she would have a cycle like this again, down she goes. We may have staved it off for a while so that it stopped being about monkey pox, but just because a crisis is real doesn't mean her response remains rational. She can't sustain that. I am not angry really, but neither can I deal, not now.
Maybe she will be over this tomorrow, I'll send her a message after my check with the surgeon. But I can't be her animal engine. If that's what it takes then today the mill's not moving.
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Date: 2023-09-27 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-29 12:22 pm (UTC)She can't help it. She is better today. But it makes me grind my teeth at the time.