Schwermütig

[smokingboot]

Meeting a friend for lunch. She's very kind hearted, but she's also a person of Faith, devotedly, some might say obsessively. She's a passionate person who has known a lot of difficulty in her life, and her spiritual beliefs bring her, I don't know, respite? Rationale? Something like that. So I am very gentle with it because it helps her. But I am not sure it helps me. I want to postpone today, but shouldn't. It's good for me to go out, to listen and talk.

I just.

I just do not want to hear her say that God will give me strength. After all, in such a paradigm, didn't God give me the cancer in the first place?

One can't say things like this without causing hurt. I don't want to challenge a form of support she needs through weariness of heart. On another timeline, Alternate Earth [insert iteration] Alternate Boot just stops taking the letrozole and lets the big mofo kill her off if he's so keen. Because some of this has been exuberantly beautiful, but some of it has been horrible enough to offset all that beauty. A lot of it hurts a lot of the time.

People need the support systems that work for them, including kind, compassionate, loving ideals of the universe. They may be right too, I hope so. And even if those things don't exist, they should exist and they make the trek through the darkness easier for many. I'm not blowing out any candles. But I could do without making the effort to be human today.

Comments

[flemmings]

Support from afar. Hope it wasn't too taxing.

[smokingboot]

Thank you, it was OK. She couldn't quite help pointing out how greater misfortunes exist and how lucky we are; both of which are true, of course, and worth keeping in mind. But all in all it was a pleasant if tiring experience.