A Little Light

[smokingboot]

Surgeon's secretary got back to me, she hadn't a clue about the details I needed but got one of the specialist breast cancer nurses to call me. These had all given my their direct phone numbers on a card which I then lost. Special.

The BC nurse was very kind and told me everything I needed to know.

'I'm looking at your pathology right now and there's no way 5 fractions would be enough so apologies for being told that.' One does get the impression that many medics wish surgeons would just cut up and shut up. 'At this size, we would always be looking at 15 on the whole breast up to the [fancy word for neck] and [fancy word for armpit]. Three weeks treatment like this would be standard. The course you are undergoing now is correct...' We talked for a while. She was great. 'Phone up whenever you need,' she said. 'We'll be contacting you 6 weeks after treatment to see how you're getting on, but if anything worries you, just give us a call.'

I ache a lot, but my mind is soothed.

And the other thing! I vowed to write it down this morning, and promptly forgot it until now.

Last night I went to bed very early, being so knackered. The hall light was on and because of that I made a conscious choice to leave the side light on R's side of the bed switched off, to keep the room dark and help me sleep. It worked. I got up later, went to the bathroom, came back. That light was on.

Puzzled I called Russ. No, he hadn't come in and switched it on.

So did I unconsciously switch it on as I rolled out of bed for the bathroom?

I have not one second's memory of doing that. Besides, I got out the other side.

Did I change my mind while asleep?

I do have a potted history of parasomnias so maybe I'm more troubled by the treatments than my conscious mind accepts. And I've had issues with lights before including once in a properly haunted dorm, when there was this similarity, a moment of staring and thinking did I do this? I don't think I did... That place was haunted, this is not. That was a 19th century pile aggravated by spiritualists, this was grassland close to a factory. Unless I'm being pursued by the ghost of British Leyland, I should be fine.

Comments

[philosophi_cal]

You are intelligent and articulate and that's two more super-powers than a lot of people have ;)

I did once write a ghost story about the buildings of Coventry. Possibly the only thing I would want to retrieve from LJ, now I think about it. There's something very powerful(?) to me about the things we build as humans, the ebb and flow of them and how we build in hopes and dreams and then one day are gone.

[smokingboot]

If you ever bring the story here I would love to see it.