Snow White and the Poop Cruise
Jun. 26th, 2025 07:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootMy niece was up looking after the cats, and being a Disney fan, introduced me to the latest Snow White.
Hmm.
This bombed hard, mostly blamed on Rachel Zegler being a charmless sneery little goon in interviews. For sure Disney needed to have a chat about her working as ambassador for the film; when a trailer gets a million downvotes something's obviously gone wrong. But the fact is she's the best thing about Snow White. Despite some piranha-like chin waggling a la Keira Knightley, she's talented, pretty, can sing, dance, and play a saccharine part without being the spirit of cloy. The real trouble is that it's an excruciatingly bad screenplay with an overstretched plot, dull score, and uncanny valley issues through the roof. These latter don't just cover the nightmare dwarves (I don't care what Peter Dinklage says, Tyrion Lannister roles don't turn up every day and real actors with dwarfism could have used this opportunity/cash) but the whole CGI overload. It works in some places, like the interior of the cottage and the pipe organ, but often it's just an acid trip without the fun. Gal Gadot's not terrible, she's just got this terrible script. She does what's required of her, and it's not enough because nothing could be; nothing was ever going to save this badly conceived, badly executed project.
Speaking of badly conceived, badly executed projects, the cruise of the Carnival Triumph in 2013 has become infamous, but we knew no details. Now we do. In horrified awe we watched Poop Cruise on Netflix directly after Snow White, which made perfect poetic sense at the time and still does. This documentary is horrible but very funny. I never was a fan of cruises. Now it'll take bribery to get me on one.
But as entertainment goes, Poop Cruise kicks Snow White to the kerb.
Hmm.
This bombed hard, mostly blamed on Rachel Zegler being a charmless sneery little goon in interviews. For sure Disney needed to have a chat about her working as ambassador for the film; when a trailer gets a million downvotes something's obviously gone wrong. But the fact is she's the best thing about Snow White. Despite some piranha-like chin waggling a la Keira Knightley, she's talented, pretty, can sing, dance, and play a saccharine part without being the spirit of cloy. The real trouble is that it's an excruciatingly bad screenplay with an overstretched plot, dull score, and uncanny valley issues through the roof. These latter don't just cover the nightmare dwarves (I don't care what Peter Dinklage says, Tyrion Lannister roles don't turn up every day and real actors with dwarfism could have used this opportunity/cash) but the whole CGI overload. It works in some places, like the interior of the cottage and the pipe organ, but often it's just an acid trip without the fun. Gal Gadot's not terrible, she's just got this terrible script. She does what's required of her, and it's not enough because nothing could be; nothing was ever going to save this badly conceived, badly executed project.
Speaking of badly conceived, badly executed projects, the cruise of the Carnival Triumph in 2013 has become infamous, but we knew no details. Now we do. In horrified awe we watched Poop Cruise on Netflix directly after Snow White, which made perfect poetic sense at the time and still does. This documentary is horrible but very funny. I never was a fan of cruises. Now it'll take bribery to get me on one.
But as entertainment goes, Poop Cruise kicks Snow White to the kerb.
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no subject
Date: 2025-06-26 10:07 pm (UTC)Also the revving up of the plot to Underdog Princess Will Retake the Kingdom??
Also, the line, "The people need some kindness" --ACK!
Laughing at the fact that Poop Cruise whups its butt.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-27 09:18 am (UTC)That is indeed the question.
I can see why a modern audience might require more from the plot, but this was not the answer. God alone knows what was going on in Disney. I'm half expecting them to buy the rights to Poop Cruise, and turn it into a CGI animated blockbuster.
In fairness it might do better than Snow White.