Glitch

[smokingboot]

I see things. Don't really know what causes it, only that Mum gets auditory as well as visual hallucinations, and I know the stat, 13% of the children of schizophrenics... so I am careful, try to stay aware.

Looked at R today on his PC, blinked and there was Ralik on his lap. Blinked again, gone. Felt very dizzy. But this made it clear to me that I needed to get my chores done, go to town, move myself and try to come back to the ordinary world, be real. I went and did everything necessary, decided to stop at a local cafe for tea and toast. Stood there waiting for my order and suddenly everything got very loud. It reminded me of the lyrics from Angie Baby;

When he walks in her room, he feels confused
Like he walked into a play
And the music's so loud, it spins him around
'Til his soul has lost its way
And as she turns the volume down
He's getting smaller with the sound
It seems to pull him off the ground
Toward the radio he's bound, never to be found...

Nothing remotely as dramatic as that, but it was all suddenly blaring, spiralling around me, more dizziness. Maybe there's some inner ear thing going on. I moved to my table, ate my toast while the noise ebbed back to normal but couldn't finish the tea, and instead dashed home thorugh the meadows. A rabbit ran right across my path. It made me smile and slow down.

Going out was a good thing. If today I suffer from some kind of sensory overload at a gentle cafe, Edinburgh tomorrow might be a challenge, but maybe this is because the house has been so quiet recently and I am not used to normal volume. It's going to be healthy for me to be among raucous crowds, make myself adjust. Even acknowledging the potential lessens its likelihood. Pipe down Angie Baby, nothing's happening.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

I see things, too, and yes, you are quite right that this can be alarming when one has a family history of mental instability. (My mother was borderline, not schizophrenic, but often she would starve herself, & then she hallucinated.)

The loss of things very dear to me renders me quite... well, I guess porous is the right word. But I think you're right. Isolation increases that. If you can be part of a happy crowd, surrounded by happy people, that's a good thing.

[smokingboot]

I understand exactly what you mean when you say porous.

And yes, agree that being with the right people will heal. My mother isolated herself increasingly as her mental issues got worse. I'm sure it became a chicken and egg situation.