Sick

[smokingboot]

Publishers and agents just scare me.

The problem is I love to write, but really don't like revealing my writing to anyone; part of this is fear of rejection, another is just, I don't know, something in me that doesn't like to show itself. That's ridiculous really, all writers want to be read. The invisible audience lures me; there's a security in it. If it doesn't like me I don't have to care, I will never see it. And if it loves me, I will feel good anyway.

Writing this lj has helped my shyness (no, really, I do have a shyness in me) as has the occasional jaunt on just_writing. It has built my confidence slightly; where I have expected a careless perhaps occasionally hostile audience, I have found only courtesy and support.

It's different when I write comics/roleplay games etc; That's fun but I don't really care too much. There's the craft and a few cute ideas, but not much else of me involved. But when I care, oh, then the tumble dryer in my gut gets going, and I suddenly want to just run away forever.

I am very tempted to try an experiment; My editing is not going well because I have been staring at the words in over-familiar format. If I put the novel up here, chapter by chapter, day by day, my perception of the readership would sharpen my focus and I would edit well. But two things work against me;

1) The first part of the book begins in a way that will translate on to lj well, for obvious reasons (i.e it started here). The second part runs together more, and is less likely to make sense in lj-friendly vignettes.

2) I don't think I can bear to do it.



Now I want to be back on the Lickey Hills, or walking by the sea, or anywhere far from this computer screen and this churning fear. Escape! Escape!

Comments

[bad-moon-rising.livejournal.com]

I would love to read it and i'm sure lots of other people would as well. I enjoyed the story when it first appeared and will look forward to reading on once you feel it is ready.

Gray

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you, you are lovely:-)

I hope to show it to you the moment I have the bottle!

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

Don't assume all writers want to be read. Writing is a very personal thing, like a window into the soul. Opening that window can make you feel very vulnerable. That's an entirely usual reaction, albeit one that you need to get over if you want to be published. However, it might be worth asking yourself what you wrote the novel for - was it to prove to yourself that you could do it, or was it for public consumption?

Why a novel?

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

A good question, and one I can't properly answer without earning my place in pseuds' corner!

I write because I cannot help myself, and because I love it. I feel good typing this out to you now:-) This is my medium. I am happy here.

And the novel? Writing is not only my great love, it is pretty much all I can do. I should try to make this grow and thrive, not shrink away due to (let's face it) pure cowardice.

A window on the soul; the view is still beautiful if no-one else shares it. But there's a delight in knowing that someone out there sees it and enjoys it in their own way.

Strangers

[half-orc.livejournal.com]

Are there any stranger reciprocal forums out there?

i'll_show_you_mine_if_you_show_me_yours.com?

I have nowhere near the wordsmithing talent that you have but I still love creative thinking/writing, I just can't handle praise. Criticism I take as a positive influence but as soon as someone says something nice all I hear are sickly sweet platitudes that make me think less of the platitudor.

Anyway this is your LJ, Not mine.

Would you rather someone said of your novel:

a. It's an amazing work full of the sparkling heights and deepest glooms of life but it's not going to be that commercially successful. Might become a cult classic, you never know!

b. Yeah. Like it. Strong dialogue, well rounded characters and totally nails the FemPunk demographic. We'll start with a print run of 10,000 and get the marketing people onto the buzz.

c. a bunch of your mates telling you it's teh gr8est and if the world was fair you would be winning awards and fighting JK Rowling in Celebrity LitChick Wrestling.

Re: Strangers

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

How about an amazing cult classic full of the sparkling heights and deepest glooms of life in which the FemPunk demographic totally nails JK Rowling in Celebrity LitChick Wrestling?

Then we take all the words we haven't used, write a book of western haiku and sell it to the British Library!

Going to add you to my friends list, oh fairly familiar stranger! No point objecting, I know where you live:-)

Re: Strangers

[jfs.livejournal.com]

unused words haiku
would have to include ennui
for memory of spring.

Re: Strangers

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

*grins* Perfect!

Now what are we going to do with all these spare thes?