Wuv, twooo wuv...

I have so much to do this morning and I am just ignoring it all. I am thinking about love again, never a good sign!

I sat up in bed, watching Beloved Bear sleep. I couldn't sleep at all, don't know why. I am happy but agitated for no reason.

This relationship has given me something I have never had before. It sustains me and I can sustain it without loss to myself. That's been pretty rare for me.

The best I have had before are relationships which last, provided I sustain them or provided I require very little from them. That has never bothered me, cos I try not to need much, and it has made me emotionally self reliant. I grew up in the house of Johnny Barking and The Beyonder, so relationships which make sense were never a part of my paradigm. My base requirement was not that relationships strengthened my life, cos that's my job, but that they interested me. Well, I can't complain - it's been nothing if not interesting!

Nuclear Man is on my mind this morning. 11 years ago? Longer? Bloody hell. He was the ultimate in Heathcliff-style psychosis. Passionate, cruel and very very mad.
He taught me a lot!

This weekend, Still Crazy After All These Years collared me on the subject of Papier Mache Man and Toad, from which I was eventually rescued by Splendid Sekhmet. But Still Crazy did say one interesting thing:

'You're indestructible,' SC smiled at me. 'You're just unbreakable, like the film. People know that or at least, they do now.' Do they? Why? And why now? I like SC, but I never claimed he knew what he was talking about. I certainly don't.

Any unbreakable qualities of mine go back a very long way, to JB, the Beyonder and of course, Nuclear Man, who tops the list of people who loved me so much they needed to kill me. They are the reasons I appear strong now, if I really do.

But the reason I am strong is because I have been loved.

Yes, that's what I wanted to say.

Now time to get down to work.