Not pissed

And it's still crap!

Loose and raw

And that's just my writing.

Leaving my state of mind aside, the project needs lots of work, but it's not total crap. I've been working on it all day, and eventually I might be able to kick it round and turn it into the kind of stuff I like to read.

There are problems. I am now over 20,000 words in and I still have no idea where it's going. This is so annoying and it always happens to me. It's like the story tells itself to me as I write. I won't know how it ends until I finish it. If I finish it.

I need something like another 30,000 words. And some answers.

Here I am, word doodling because I am suddenly out of imagination for one big important chunk of the thing. I'm frustrated because I've always worked better at night and yet I'm worn out already. My left arm really aches, no clue as to why. How can I be this tired? This is absurd. It's not as though my body lets me sleep or anything!

I really wanted to end this section at the, well, at the end of the section. Instead I have ground to a halt, out of ideas and knackered. And time is a premium here, I just never have enough of it. So here I am with a beautiful night ahead and as much solitude as I need and what happens? I run out of steam before 10 pm. There's next weekend of course, I can forget the moot and stay here and box this out. And I will. But I want the inspiration now and the answers now and everything now, now now! Why does everything have to take so long?

And another thing you probably don't want to know.

I really need a bath!