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Chums of mine will know that I have written a book, and am currently tearing my hair out over the synopsis. Part of my concern is the first paragraph. My original was fast enough, I hope, to pull readers into the action, but one person on reading it, found it too abrupt; he suggested a more introductory approach. I have written both beginnings below. If you have nothing better to do, I would appreciate your thoughts on which, if either, of these would induce you to read further.
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just_writing, only I've put stories up there before and fear to drown the community in my endless babblings.
Here's the opening quote:
ANNO 1670 not far from Cirencester, was an apparition; being demanded whether a good spirit or a bad? Returned no answer, but disappeared with a curious perfume and a most melodious twang. Mr. W. Lilly believes it was a fairy.
- John Aubrey (1626-97) Miscellanies
Here's the original paragraph:
Book 1.
Last night the doorbell rang. It was very late, far past midnight, and I walked down and opened the door to see a finger on the front door step. I bent down to take a closer look. It was clean cut and dry, no blood or decomposition. I looked up.
Here's the altered original:
Book 1.
It began with a severed finger. It began with a gift in winter. It began with a knock at my door, far past midnight on the coldest night of the year. I walked down and opened the door to see a finger on the front step. I bent down to take a closer look. It was clean cut and dry, no blood or decomposition. I looked up.
Maybe the place for this is
just_writing, only I've put stories up there before and fear to drown the community in my endless babblings.Here's the opening quote:
ANNO 1670 not far from Cirencester, was an apparition; being demanded whether a good spirit or a bad? Returned no answer, but disappeared with a curious perfume and a most melodious twang. Mr. W. Lilly believes it was a fairy.
- John Aubrey (1626-97) Miscellanies
Here's the original paragraph:
Book 1.
Last night the doorbell rang. It was very late, far past midnight, and I walked down and opened the door to see a finger on the front door step. I bent down to take a closer look. It was clean cut and dry, no blood or decomposition. I looked up.
Here's the altered original:
Book 1.
It began with a severed finger. It began with a gift in winter. It began with a knock at my door, far past midnight on the coldest night of the year. I walked down and opened the door to see a finger on the front step. I bent down to take a closer look. It was clean cut and dry, no blood or decomposition. I looked up.