Urfmuvva Boot

Heartened by her success at growing pears, urfmuvva boot decides she loves her plants and it is time to show that love. See her mix up a watering can of organic sea-weed mulch and march out to her pansy-stuffed hanging baskets. See her confidence that, despite being a shortarse, she will not need a stepladder to reach the thirsty flowers awaiting her nurturing power. See her stand tiptoe on the doorstep, stretching up and up and up, tipping the watering can with just the right amount of elegance and skill. Observe the black spray nozzle cap fall off the watering can and watch in astonishment as a sheet of gunky water covers her from head to toe. Note, if you would, how this whole wet t-shirt thing loses its erotic power when brown seaweed is involved.

There's even some in my ears. The cats keep trying to lick it.

Before my impromptu shower, I went to my accountant with all my receipts and none of my payslips. Plus, the tumble dryer's not working. Bollocks to this, I'm going to hide in the bath.