Urfmuvva Boot

[smokingboot]

Heartened by her success at growing pears, urfmuvva boot decides she loves her plants and it is time to show that love. See her mix up a watering can of organic sea-weed mulch and march out to her pansy-stuffed hanging baskets. See her confidence that, despite being a shortarse, she will not need a stepladder to reach the thirsty flowers awaiting her nurturing power. See her stand tiptoe on the doorstep, stretching up and up and up, tipping the watering can with just the right amount of elegance and skill. Observe the black spray nozzle cap fall off the watering can and watch in astonishment as a sheet of gunky water covers her from head to toe. Note, if you would, how this whole wet t-shirt thing loses its erotic power when brown seaweed is involved.

There's even some in my ears. The cats keep trying to lick it.

Before my impromptu shower, I went to my accountant with all my receipts and none of my payslips. Plus, the tumble dryer's not working. Bollocks to this, I'm going to hide in the bath.

Comments

[larians.livejournal.com]

I love you.

*smiles ruefully*

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

That's code for telling me I'm so stupid it's cute, right? :-D

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I'm saving a little of this seaweed for Easter you know - oh my god, I've just realised! We need and must have a kelp dryad!

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

No, we don`t. We really, really don`t.
*has mental image of character in bath on wheels*

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

It's been done. That would be mamapusscat at the infamous Pikey funeral.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

They could have a tap or, *imagination falters* or something aquatic appendages...

Admit it, it has potential, yes?

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

Umm, no?

[half-orc.livejournal.com]

See. If you wrote chick-lit your life would be an unending source of inspiration.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

The above is just one of the many many reasons why you won't be going to heaven:-P

[velvet-the-cat.livejournal.com]

I tried, I really did, not to laugh... but I failed! I think it was the cats trying to lick it that tipped me over the edge. :o)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

In a past life I kidnapped people and forced them to join the circus, so now clown karma gets me whenever it can!

[clawbeast.livejournal.com]

So turn your accountant into mulch, make the seaweed into sushi and hire a gardener now you dont need to pay the accountant. Your feng shui is now complete.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

A perfect idea. But let's face it, if I can't aim seaweed at a pansy, I'm going to have problems delicately rolling it around a rice oblong...

[clawbeast.livejournal.com]

Oh tis far easier than that, make Inari sushi, which just involves stuffing pre made packets with rice....the seaweed then just lurks looking pretty....and your accountant still decomposes to feed the plants.....something about little shop of horrors springs to mind.

[caffeine-fairy.livejournal.com]

So, now you're fertilized, will you grow?

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Tall enough to grow pansies in my underwear, and no need of a footstool *stands proud atop mulchpile*

[caffeine-fairy.livejournal.com]

*salutes, hums National Anthem*

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

Takes mental polaroid. Adds scratch n sniff function.

Laughs guiltily, then puts mental polaroid in shredder as it is unkind to be amused by the suffering of others.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

You'd have regretted the scratch and sniff function!

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

Darling Boot, you are a space cadet of the first* water.
Without you the world would be a darker, drier place.

I'm going to hide in the bath
With or without the wet Tshirt ?

*Albeit gunky

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

The wet t-shirt has gone to hide in its own little bath:-)

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

So no Tshirt at all ?

Oh dear.
I think I may have to go and have a lie down.