Morning

Today I have three different appointments, all connected with the sodding PTSD and the event of late 2011. I don't want to go to any of them, I want to be here waiting for my boy Ralik, or out looking for him.

And yesterday? Every lunatic in the world made it to Lewisham A&E. I walked in and a madman grasped my hand, looking up at me from his chair earnestly. I smiled at him and walked on. He then spent the rest of the afternoon talking to himself and everyone else. 'Sell your body to the night!' He roared at some woman, 'Are you John Lennon?' He asked my cousin. 'Not really...' answered my cuz as he ducked out of the way. The man sat and rocked and roared and muttered, but he had a very nice smile. A raddled woman wandered around demanding cigarettes. A family came in with a clever funny little girl, all black hair and intelligent eyes. Her mother slapped her once and told her to Fucking Shut Up all the time. The little girl was counting everything. She smiled at me and I smiled at her. Later she started screaming that she wanted to go home, her father cuddled, her mother cussed, while stretchers and broken bones emerged all around us.

I was given a blood test, an X-Ray and an ECG, and I was fine - the pain must have been muscular. But they told me if it ever happened again to call an ambulance, as it was something like four hours after it happened that they got to test me. Still, I am all well, just weary.

Now I must go.

Tough Day

Just that really. Three interviews, more stuff to do, one very hard assessment, all done now.

And the crushing thing? I have been warned not to push myself too hard. But I don't push myself hard. It's just stress et al. It's a lot of things.

Had such great things planned for this weekend, none of which will happen. A lovely invitation for this evening too, again, not happening. But I am still going to try to enjoy myself. Tomorrow I go hunting for lost feline idiots in the copse opposite.

The moon's in sliced lemon mode over the city. It looks very cool. I am so weary it's impossible to think. Good night LJ.