Mar. 5th, 2015

smokingboot: (default)
It has been a long time since I have been with a lot of people unknown to me, the last time I did it was to support a couple of friends in putting something together. And it was OK, I was as I always have been. If I'm wearing a mask I am unaware of it at the time; the vibe fits and I fit the vibe, and it's fun. Some people want to be friendly, some want to come closer. One of these latter seems like a delicate, sensible, intelligent man, and would like us to meet up to discuss things.

He's a nice guy but this is a direct come on, and I feel very awkward. It's not like I think this about every friend who asks me out, but even with friends like Steve I would make sure to have another chum present, not because he would ever try anything, but because that's how I feel comfortable.

I think this man must have got the wrong impression, probably my fault, my signal. For the meeting I tried to be welcoming, but had no idea I had given off any further vibe. It wasn't my intention. We all spoke very pleasantly, he knows I am engaged, everybody talked about witchy things... there was no angle. I didn't mean to flirt with him in any way. And yet somehow this stuff turns up.

In any case I must deflect him. Don't want to offend this guy, didn't mean to lead him on and am not sure of how or even if I did. Got to take a little responsibility and answer his message honestly and gently.

I feel so over all this kind of thing. Why is it following me?
smokingboot: (default)
Born between rocks the flower grew
following the sun all her days
Nearby death sat, shaking long ears,
And further on death’s death slept in a kennel
And all of them followed the sun all their days
til each became death and death became earth
And when the sun rose it warmed a cold rock
that broke for a seed and gave birth to a flower.
©Debbie Gallagher /05/03/2015

Ridiculous

Mar. 5th, 2015 01:33 pm
smokingboot: (default)
I am pointlessly weepy today.
I keep stopping and starting between bits of tidying up; we have a guest coming and I am trying to make things look a little bit less...well, just less. I listen to bits of music so's not to get bored but everything makes me teary. Je Crois Entendre Encore perhaps, but Musetta's Waltz? What's wrong with me?

Time for Rock and Roll.

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