Oh I really really really

don't want to do it.

The funeral will be next Thursday. It probably means hanging out with She Who Never Visits and Daft Bint. God, really?

That will be OK I guess. Oh, who am I kidding, it will be strained and stupid. But at least it is likely to be the last time we are in such close contact, unless Gareth pops off next.

It's not that I hate Daft Bint or have some sizzling fury. I just really don't like her, that's the truth of it, her vanities are too obvious and the sheer weight of being polite is beginning to irritate me. Also I am in a crabby mood generally and have been since Mark died. It's like I am angry. But what am I angry about?

Nothing, just bits and pieces. Ugh, I wish Thursday was done. But soon it will be.

Oh come on, mood, be gentle. There is no reason to be ungentle. Well, OK, reason exists, but now is not the time. No-one is perfect. Be cool. She just irritates you, it's no crime.

She may not be worth the time but he is worth the hassle. So chill.

Pulling myself together for Summer.

I am overthinking everything. Strange, I cried a little but mostly I have been angry, and I don't know why...but I can accept it's just a little heat, a dodgy router, the pressure of having to engage with people I don't much like, and of course, the loss of me old china.
Considered sensibly it makes sense.

The thing to recall, the thing to put uppermost now, is the sunshine of the year; Brother-in-law to be is getting over the Guillain-Barre syndrome, and though full recovery will take time, he looks so much better it is just fantastic.

And we are going to Sydney in 6 months time!

And I need new clothes. And to lose some weight. The past few weeks have seen me stuff my face!

So now, time to smile and laugh as if we were all back in a pub somewhere in the early 90s, when his best friend's revelations about him would had had us all in fits, and himself smiling wryly. Life was all right.

But life is all right now. Actually, life is better. So onwards, and if confusion rises, I am just going to recall the maze at Hever. For some reason it is an image in my mind. Also, I must write properly now, back to the story.