Return

Work has suffered over the past two days, time to refocus and concentrate, though I am not going to get much done before the cleaner turns up. So I will start later today but at least I will start.

One of the things that has been on my mind recently has been a little worry about my Mum (80 this year) and my eldest Aunt (87 this year). R and I have been discussing me going over to stay for more than a couple of weeks, maybe renting a flat, because they're cheap as chips in my family's neighbourhood. The pros are obvious. The cons: What about my husband? What about my cats? Would the diversions of Granada and its surrounds delay my work even further? I write best when bored with everything beyond the screen.

The reality could be a little apartment close to Mum, not necessarily very pretty or even, as a renter, a place I could do up. But I could spend time with her each day, and she would be far less isolated.

The dream: an old flat in the Albaicin or the Realejo or even opposite the Alhambra near the river, where on tangerine or terracotta, or old washed stone walls, I could put up paintings like this
http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/carrington-spanish-landscape-with-mountains-t11896
And this
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155980998961564&set=a.34438011563.47247.527886563&type=3&theater

There would be plants on a little sunlit balcony, and Mum could come sit there while I work on the PC.

That would be a nice couple of months. Not sure I'd get a damn thing done though.

Ugh.

Depression.

Triggered by circumstances on this occasion, as opposed to random head circuitry going awry, nevertheless as one easily slides into the other, I need to stay aware of what is happening because I don't medicate.

It's exacerbated by lack of sunlight. My partner believes I suffer from Seasonal Adjustment Disorder. I have decided not to agree with him because PTSD and Depression are quite enough as syndrome collections go, I don't need some kind of mental issue hat trick. Nonetheless, sunshine always makes me feel better. Barring our palest friends, surely it makes everyone better?

Well, today is just a day, so I am going to have to invent the sunshine for myself. I respect my cleaner but I wish she would come and go, and leave me to settle into my imagining.