Arg Arr Aaa Alice

Watching Halestorm was a blast, their support less inspiring. Rews need more layers to make them interesting, Avatar were really only interesting for the whole windmill-headed-viking-dreads-spinning; their lead singer was like the unholy lovechild of Gene Simmons and Lestat.

'London is Avatar Country!' He roared. It is, of course, but that's nothing to do with the band.

Yesterday was a strange day. It was the anniversary of Dad'd death, and at the same time, I got a letter from the Victim Liaison people. TE is due for release in a couple of weeks. I am OK, sort of.

In my attempts to not calcify on the sofa, I have started doing this zombie run couch potato to 5k thing. My headphones are the enemy, and my problem? I start roleplaying the whole thing, even as I'm running.

The first exercise was about running from the crashed chopper to the local township come hold out against the zombie plague; they don't let you in unless you can contribute to their survival efforts, which probably explains why it's surrounded by thousands of zombies. Clearly it hasn't occurred to them that a town reject is a zombie recruit; we're not dealing with genius powers of foresight here. To make matters worse the radio guy is still mourning over Alice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQaX7B4mUvM)

'She was the last Runner 5... She was so cool and funny and I guess I, I *sigh*...I know, I'll call you after her! You can be the new Runner 5!'

What? Don't call me after your dead love! Besides, if you do this, how do you keep track of your runners? Doesn't it bugger up record-keeping? You'd know that if you let in any office workers, you goddamn idiots.

'Oh my god there's a zom on your trail! (cue SFX: Muhhhuhharrrrrgrrrr close behind) Run! Run! Oh no! It's... it's Alice... She's still wearing her nurse's cap!'

What? I thought she was a runner? Why's she in a nurse's uniform? What's wrong with tracksuit bottoms? Sorry, am I supposed to be empathising with you here?

(MmmmmmmuuuuARarrrARg) shitshitshitshit!

'We're sending cover towards you get to the gate! They'll shoot, they'll shoot... Alice!'

Now I'm panicking. Suppose they don't send the firepower on account of the zom being cool popular beloved by the radio operator Alice in her nurse's cap? Suppose Mr Moonstruck Radio Operator can't bear to give the order?

(MuaaaaARAAAAAAAAAA! POWPOW! POWPOW!)

And I'm there. Being congratulated through my earphones, promised a hot shower in the imaginary town where I am safe from imaginary enemies, wondering why I didn't just stick to pilates.

I've done a couple of exercises since then, seriously unable to work out if this is meant to make me fitter or give me a heart attack.