Noise

That was pretty bad.

My relationship with sound is fraught. When I work, I lock myself away in a blank space, nothing to distract me. And yes, I have tunnel vision, focus, though I can get locked in on details but that's OK, it brings me results.

The night before last I was participating in an online class and tom cat started screaming at the top of his voice; nothing wrong with him, he just wanted attention.

But it was like someone smashing glass over and over again right beside me and he just wouldn't stop.

I tried to carry on working, but it was impossible, nothing I could do but leave the class and take him upstairs to R who was wearing headphones so he didn't hear a thing. The sound felt like an axe to my head, and I wish it went away when the sound stops but it doesn't. I came back to the class and performed so badly I have to go over the materials again. Found myself facing loads of messages and calls on my phone I couldn't answer, couldn't bear to look at. Weirdly tearful.

Yesterday found me still very wobbly; decision made, no time on screen, pointless anyway. Time for physical work. Clearing things away I found an unpacked wine box, and in unpacking dropped a seriously heavy bottle on my foot. Spent the rest of the day as Lady Limpalot, practised with the others for this presentation for the councillors. The little I am doing for this group is becoming too much for me and I am ashamed of that. There isn't time for it all and my own work is suffering. I don't want to stop if it can do some good, the people are absolutely lovely and remarkable too, all contributing with far more dedication than I am but...

But the messages are many and happen every day. This is just people being friendly to each other, maybe all I need to do is sort out the sound of my phone pinging repeatedly for notifications.

Volume of noise isn't my problem really. It was when I was a child, wandering from room to room looking for peace and quiet. Dad and Bro could have a TV on plus a radio, then go to another room with the same combination. Even Mum didn't mind; coming from a Spanish extended family where the usual is loads of people sitting round a table all talking at the same time, she saw noise as life, and my place was to adapt to that, because it wouldn't adapt to me. I managed it too, and the result has been an ability to enjoy gigs or just move away from them with ease if things get uncomfortable. It still jars with me if one person is talking against an interrupting noise, but for me the two real killers are pitch and repetition.

Anyway I couldn't work today being still weirdly tearful, my head wracked and aching. Whatever horrible note the cat managed to hit so repeatedly left its mark, I'm still a wreck two days later. I need to ask R to keep his headphones off during that class.

Better things

Looks like - fingers crossed - bit of extra money might be on its way. Which could mean a little holiday cash.

All things being equal, the big deal will be at the end of the year, but if there's extra, R might well be taking B to the Munich beer festival. I could go with them, or I could do a little solitary travelling, meeting up with chum for the Eigg ceilidh, or island hopping between Skye and the Western Isles.

Trouble is, I am also pulled by the chance of wolf watching in Cantabria; I would pay in more ways than one, my mother would be very annoyed by me visiting Spain and not visiting her. So the key would be to spend a week in Cantabria then travel down to Andalucia. I could stop near Jaen and try to get in on some Lynx spotting. ....And suddenly I'm spending rather more money than the boys in Munich.

Also, I can't help thinking that this would be the time to do precisely the kind of travelling that my husband would tolerate on my account rather than love; Gobleki Tepe, Hattusa, Jordan. Glasgow-Amman returns are not expensive. I would love an Israel/Jordan combo but that one's got to be for both of us.


We'll see.

My Kind of Legend

https://cornishbirdblog.com/2018/12/06/the-owlman-of-mawnan-smith/

Suppose going down to Cornwall looking for the Owlman of Mawnan Smith could be cool.

I honestly suspect it is/was an actual eagle owl. Their eyes can shine red, they get pretty big and they can be very aggressive indeed if humans get near their nests/ chicks. If my memory's right, an eagle owl did for at least one poacher trying to reach its eggs. Met one called Hudson (owl not poacher) who seemed very proud of his deadly relatives. Proper murderburd.